Other...: about.me/jimmyaquino
I'm sure many of you missed it yesterday when I posted about how I found out that my Dad died. Just as I'm sure many of you will miss this post. That's social media for you. And I certainly don't expect people to know all about my life just from online status. That being said, perhaps writing this out will be cathartic.
I appreciate those who did reach out but totally understand if you didn't. What can you say? And as I hinted at in the initial post, I was never very close to my Dad except during childhood so not sure how I feel about it. Clearly some people only saw the part about "Dad died" and not about the indifference over it all. Which I get. It's just that I feel odd getting any sympathy over someone I'm not sure I'm even grieving over. I do appreciate the good intentions and general showing me love, of course.
A brief history.
My parents got divorced when I was 4 and Mom moved us away from Virginia to Florida. Dad would come down once a year to visit and called on birthdays and holidays. I remember being very upset that we didn't get to see him more. I never quite understood why he didn't visit more. I'm sure there was more to it than that, but as a little kid, you don't get it. He came down for my high school graduation and then moved back to The Phillipines. I didn't see him again until almost 9 years later when I moved to NYC. My Aunt, his sister, lives in New Jersey and he was coming to visit. I met his new wife and found out I had a little brother whom I also met. (He was 5 at the time). This is also the time I found out I had a sister but no one knew where she was located. (That's another story you can dig up online if you really have the time). I didn't see him again for another 4-5 years when he came back to visit one last time. Mind you, he wasn't visiting me, he was "settling affairs" and what not. I just happened to live close to my Aunt where he was staying. We never stayed in touch when he left after my graduation. I may have written once or twice and that was it. After his first visit, we didn't contact one another either. And on his last, that was it. My sister has had no contact with him as she didn't even know he was her father until I found her in 2000.
As you can read, we were not close at all. I've never been a believer in the "blood is thicker than water" thing. So please don't come at me with that. I've often said that as I'm not close to my older brother either and have had people say, "Hey, it's your brother. It's family, etc." Sorry, but I have friends whom are more like brothers and sisters. Just as I've had various father figures throughout my life but just not my own father. I'm not trying to come across hateful but you can't fault me for having a little resentment. And if you do, then we probably aren't friends. Someone said yesterday about how they, as a parent, could never understand a person losing touch with their children or not wanting to see them. I agree wholeheartedly. While not a parent myself, I just think it's deplorable.
Our little brother (the aforementioned former 5 year old) grew up with Dad and was very close. He's about 20 now and found us on social media a couple of years ago. Yesterday around 6pm, he instant messaged me simply saying, "Hey, just wanted to let you know that Dad died."
I sort of just froze for a minute. I felt...well, not much. As you read, he wasn't in my life much at all. I know it probably sounds terrible to many of you that I am so indifferent about it. And I actually feel bad that I don't feel worse. Maybe it'll hit me some other time. Of course, I feel terrible for my little brother (even though we don't know each other well) as Dad was a big part of his life. And I don't want this to take anything away from him feeling how he feels. But I hope he and others understand why I feel the way I do. Yes, I'm a bit sad, I suppose. I don't even have any pictures of him that I can find. I have a few fond and funny memories. But just not very many.
Suppose I should leave on a fond/funny memory. When I was a teen, Dad came down and drove my older brother up from Florida to NYC to visit our Aunt. Our Canadian cousins came down as well. It was my first visit to NYC and was a really fun time. I had never met my cousins and we all got along swimmingly. We saw Cats on Broadway too! The funny moment was in the car one night. There was a song that was popular on the radio at the time. One of those annoying rap spoofs called "Rappin' Duke" that we all loved. If you're not familiar, then click the link. It was basically some dude doing a horrible John Wayne impression while rapping. The chorus went like this, "Da ha, da ha. Da ha ha ha ha ha." And I remember the song came on and I'm guessing Dad heard it before and he started singing the chorus. He has a terribly thick accent as he's from the Phillipines and it was the funniest thing I had ever heard.
Rest in peace Marcial Roxas Aquino. You were my Dad and helped bring me in to this world. Hopefully that means something.
I appreciate those who did reach out but totally understand if you didn't. What can you say? And as I hinted at in the initial post, I was never very close to my Dad except during childhood so not sure how I feel about it. Clearly some people only saw the part about "Dad died" and not about the indifference over it all. Which I get. It's just that I feel odd getting any sympathy over someone I'm not sure I'm even grieving over. I do appreciate the good intentions and general showing me love, of course.
A brief history.
My parents got divorced when I was 4 and Mom moved us away from Virginia to Florida. Dad would come down once a year to visit and called on birthdays and holidays. I remember being very upset that we didn't get to see him more. I never quite understood why he didn't visit more. I'm sure there was more to it than that, but as a little kid, you don't get it. He came down for my high school graduation and then moved back to The Phillipines. I didn't see him again until almost 9 years later when I moved to NYC. My Aunt, his sister, lives in New Jersey and he was coming to visit. I met his new wife and found out I had a little brother whom I also met. (He was 5 at the time). This is also the time I found out I had a sister but no one knew where she was located. (That's another story you can dig up online if you really have the time). I didn't see him again for another 4-5 years when he came back to visit one last time. Mind you, he wasn't visiting me, he was "settling affairs" and what not. I just happened to live close to my Aunt where he was staying. We never stayed in touch when he left after my graduation. I may have written once or twice and that was it. After his first visit, we didn't contact one another either. And on his last, that was it. My sister has had no contact with him as she didn't even know he was her father until I found her in 2000.
As you can read, we were not close at all. I've never been a believer in the "blood is thicker than water" thing. So please don't come at me with that. I've often said that as I'm not close to my older brother either and have had people say, "Hey, it's your brother. It's family, etc." Sorry, but I have friends whom are more like brothers and sisters. Just as I've had various father figures throughout my life but just not my own father. I'm not trying to come across hateful but you can't fault me for having a little resentment. And if you do, then we probably aren't friends. Someone said yesterday about how they, as a parent, could never understand a person losing touch with their children or not wanting to see them. I agree wholeheartedly. While not a parent myself, I just think it's deplorable.
Our little brother (the aforementioned former 5 year old) grew up with Dad and was very close. He's about 20 now and found us on social media a couple of years ago. Yesterday around 6pm, he instant messaged me simply saying, "Hey, just wanted to let you know that Dad died."
I sort of just froze for a minute. I felt...well, not much. As you read, he wasn't in my life much at all. I know it probably sounds terrible to many of you that I am so indifferent about it. And I actually feel bad that I don't feel worse. Maybe it'll hit me some other time. Of course, I feel terrible for my little brother (even though we don't know each other well) as Dad was a big part of his life. And I don't want this to take anything away from him feeling how he feels. But I hope he and others understand why I feel the way I do. Yes, I'm a bit sad, I suppose. I don't even have any pictures of him that I can find. I have a few fond and funny memories. But just not very many.
Suppose I should leave on a fond/funny memory. When I was a teen, Dad came down and drove my older brother up from Florida to NYC to visit our Aunt. Our Canadian cousins came down as well. It was my first visit to NYC and was a really fun time. I had never met my cousins and we all got along swimmingly. We saw Cats on Broadway too! The funny moment was in the car one night. There was a song that was popular on the radio at the time. One of those annoying rap spoofs called "Rappin' Duke" that we all loved. If you're not familiar, then click the link. It was basically some dude doing a horrible John Wayne impression while rapping. The chorus went like this, "Da ha, da ha. Da ha ha ha ha ha." And I remember the song came on and I'm guessing Dad heard it before and he started singing the chorus. He has a terribly thick accent as he's from the Phillipines and it was the funniest thing I had ever heard.
Rest in peace Marcial Roxas Aquino. You were my Dad and helped bring me in to this world. Hopefully that means something.
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