Jimmy's Juke Joint

Calendars

I was browsing through my Jacksonville Jaguars website and noticed that The Roar, the Jaguars cheerleaders, calendar was out.  I briefly checked it out to see if I know any of the girls from my old hometown.  Nah, not a one.  Although, I imagine I wouldn't mind knowing a few!  Thank you!  Good night!  I suddenly realized that calendar season was upon us.  I had started to notice them recently in Virgin Mega-store and Barnes & Noble.  Some of the subjects that are calendar worthy are amazing.  Amazing that they actually got made.  Sure there are the standard swimsuit ones, sports, music, television, film, etc.  Then, the baffling ones like: knitting, crochet, paper airplanes, fruits and vegetables.  Oh yeah.  July is one ripe tomato.  Literally.  Nice melons in December. 

I actually dig buying the daily calendars for people as an extra giftee during my holiday gift giving.  Usually fun ones like The Onion or a cool cartoon one like The Simpsons or Family Guy.  Or, if my friend is a dork like me, then a Star Wars or comic book one.  Or, if they are a big perv like me, then the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit one.  But, never those stupid "Joke a Day!" or "Cute Anecdotes" or "We know these aren't clever or funny sayings but we publish them anyway and you buy them because you're an idiot" ones. 

The past few years, I always seemed to get a Britney Spears wall calendar from friends as a joke birthday gift.  That's cool.  I love joke gifts as long as they are accompanied with REAL ones.  Aren't I too old to just be getting a joke gift from a good friend? Anyway, last Christmas, my moms got me a Marilyn Monroe calendar.  When I was younger, I loved her.  Still dig her, but I've moved on when I realized I didn't have a shot with her.  What? Too soon?  Come on! 

My calendar love started as a kid when I would get the hot model or pop star or actress or cheerleader calendar and proudly display in my locker and/or bedroom.  We even had some controversy one year in high school.  One of the guy's clubs that I was in published an annual calendar with our pick of the 12 hottest girls in the senior class.  My high school was 3 blocks from the beach, so bikini's were a popular choice.  Like everywhere, we had some smoking hot chicks that posed.  Some in dresses, but a few in the lesser wear.  I remember one year when almost all of them did swim wear.  Some thongs and LOTS of cleavage.  We made the local news!  Sweeeeeet!  It was very controversial because THE senior class brainiac, Catherine Wilkinson, posed.  We all thought she was pretty, but she always wore Izod sweaters and Polo skirts or pants.  Very conservative.  When she literally busted out of the pages of the calendar.....WHOA!  All of the sudden we all wanted to be smarter.  And seriously, this is one of the smartest people on the planet.  I have no idea where she is now, but I can only bet she is discovering new life forms or curing diseases or something.  She was that smart.  And, as we kind of always knew, that hot.  

Still, I guess my calendar love is when I, myself, was calendar worthy.  What for?  Not the Kikkoman calendar.  Nor the "Guess what ethnic group?" one.  Nor the "Gods of Hell's Kitchen."  (Although, I was a long shot.) 

Senior year in high school, a girl's club decides to put out their male version of the calendar that the guy's club put out. 

Guess who was Mr. July?  

That's right!  You'll all be getting one in the mail.  Look for it. 

Children's Books

Unbeknownst to many, I also was an author of a numerous amount of children's book.  Most were never published and those that were caused my eventual exile from Florida. Anyway, I guess I just never found my audience.  Maybe you can help me figure out why.  Here's a sample of my work:

• Mommy, What's a Blow Job? 
• The Night Daddy Drove the Babysitter Home 
• Puss 'N Boots: The Story of a Dominatrix 
• Impotence: Daddy's Little Engine That Could 
• Why Mommy Goes Crazy Once a Month 
• The Paris Hilton Pop-Up Book 
• If You Don't Be Quiet...Mommy Will Make You! 
• Santa, the Easter Bunny, and Other Imaginary Things 
• What Jack & Jill Did on the Hill 
• Lying is Okay If It Keeps You Out of Trouble 
• How to Cheat on Your Math Test 
• Your First Boner  
• Fun With Fire! 
• The Wonderful Hair Down There 
• Sparky Didn't Go to Heaven....YOUR PARENTS KILLED HIM! 
• You're Prettier Than the Other Kids, So Don't Play With Them 
• Why Bobby Has His Hands in His Pants 
• Bed Wetting and Electric Blankets   
• Everyone Else Knows 2+2=4, Why Don't You? 
• It's Okay to Tell Someone to Fuck Off 
• If You Don't Like Your Teacher, Then Spit on Her! 
• The Art of Stealing Lunch Money 
• The Bumps on Becky's Chest Get Bigger  
• If a Stranger Asks You to Get in the Car, Ask If You Can Drive 
• HEY! YOU'RE ADOPTED!  
• Mommy & The Mailman  
• Some Cats Can Fly! 
• You're An Accident!  
• Mommy Drinks Because You Cry  
• Missy Was So Bad, Her Daddy Stopped Loving Her  
• Mommy & Daddy Say "God Did It" Because They're Stupid  
• How To Write a Will 
• You're Dumb and We Don't Like You.

All very educational books.  I fail to understand why they went unpublished. 

LOST

Episode 1 of season 2 of LOST aired last night.  Check out this link too for some more LOST fun! This is gonna be a rough one.  I am not known for my patience.  I want to know the next part of the story right now!  If you are still listening to just the radio and haven't heard of this show, then get to watchin!  I missed it the first time around last year, but caught the pilot episode over the summer during re-runs.  I was hooked like a hooker on...uh...hooks?  I saw my future after seeing that first episode.  I would have to wait every Wednesday to catch the next episode.  Picking up spoilers left and right since they were repeats.  I prayed to the bit torrent gods and they delivered unto me the entire season 1 onto my life mate...uh..computer.  So, I sat and watched all 24 episodes in 3 days.  I barely slept, ate or went to the bathroom.  I emerged from my room gaunt and ripe as a slab of veal left out in the sun.  I had resorted to using the facilities by opening my window.  Sorry for the unintentional golden opportunity!  Now, I'm gonna be crazy all season waiting until Wednesday arrives.  Like a rabid bunny on smack waiting for it's magic carrot.  So, in between these days, I have come up with ideas to keep LOST in my head. 

Like?

Well, my new show idea.  What if GILLIGAN'S ISLAND took place in the LOST universe?  The Professor would be our young doctor hero, Jack.  The Skipper would be the possible lunatic adventurer, Locke.  Mary Ann would be the enigmatic former con, Kate.  Ginger would be the spoiled brat come dog owner, Shannon.  Gilligan would be the laid back lotto winner, Hurley.  Now Mr. & Mrs. Howell would be difficult.  I suppose they could be the Korean couple Jin and Sun.  Add in a few guest stars and you'd have the whole cast!  Have "The Others" be the Harlem Globetrotters and set up a match for domination of the island!  Drama and comedy ensue!  I mean, those LOST survivors are constantly getting shat upon and there are no light moments.  They need some humor on occasion.  This would solve it! 

Man...I. Am. A. Genius. 

I'm sending my ideas into the networks as we speak.  The new SWISS FAMILY ROBINSON could be the shipwrecked crew of THE LOVE BOAT.  "Isaac" shaking the coconut cocktails on the island. Of course, guest stars galore! THE FLINTSTONES could be in the FAMILY GUY world where "Bamm-Bamm" is always trying to rule the world, "Barney" as the sexually over charged neighbor and "Dino" as the intelligent speaking pet dinosaur.   THE JETSONS in the newly reimagined BATTLESTAR GALACTICA.  Daughter "Judy" the new "Starbuck" and His Boy Elroy as "Apollo".  Of course, Rosie the Robot as a Cylon!  The ideas are endless!  I better get to writing! 

Honorary Jew

Ran into an my friend, Kerri,  that I hadn't see in awhile.  She was one of my first good friends when I moved to NYC.  Over the years, we have stayed in touch, but don't hang as often as we used to.  Still, when we do, it's nothing but chuckles!  Kerri is of the Jewish descent and I have learned much about Judaism through her.  Way more than when I dated Elka in college because if her parents found out about us she would have been disowned.  But, I digress.  Anyway, we reminisced about some of the good times.  Passover.  Oh yeah.  I said it.  Passover. For those not in the know:

The holiday's name - Pesach, meaning "passing over" or "protection" in Hebrew, is derived from the instructions given to Moses by God . In order to encourage the Pharaoh to free the Israelites, God intended to kill the first-born of both man and beast. To protect themselves, the Israelites were told to mark their dwellings with lamb's blood so that God could identify and "pass over" their homes.

Some years back, Kerri invited me back to her family's home in Baltimore for Passover.  I had always wanted to go to a Seder.  Basically, the Seder is the gathering of family and friends for dinner to commemorate the plight of the Jewish people during their exodus from Egypt.  There are specific foods served as well. 

The first Seder was held at Kerri's home and was a bit more traditional.  I got to wear a beanie and everything!  Sorry, yarmulke.  We did the traditional readings.  Ate the traditional foods.  At one point I asked for some garlic bread and got dirty looks.  Not sure why.  Maybe they were vampires too.  There was an extra plate made for some guy named, Elijah, a prophet or something.  We even left the door open for him.  And he never showed up!  That selfish bastard.

The next night we went to her friend's house.  It was more of a party atmosphere and very casual.  I still got to wear the beanie though! Her friend's Mother-in-Law was a trip.  Rhona.  She had a very raspy voice.  Like she had smoked a bag of charcoal briquets.  Not like Kathleen Turner sexy.  Still, she was quite nice and insisted I be the guest of honor since I was the only "non-Jew" (as she said) present.  She had me sit at the head of the table and everything!  I was a little nervous, since I wasn't sure if this meant I had special duties.  Would I have to break the matzoh?  Bless the food and wine?  Get raised in the chair while they all danced around?  Be stripped naked and laughed at?  Well, that one isn't too far off. 

I immediately sit down and Rhona pours me a glass of Manischewitz.  The official kosher wine of the NFL! Or not.  As she was handing it to me she spilled it right in my crotch.  Yep.  I had a kosher wiener.  Without missing a beat, Rhona apologizes and says, "Take your pants off and I'll wash them for you."  Still not sure if this was part of the ceremony, I complied.  So, I sat there in my boxers...No, no.  I declined her cleaning request.  Although, it would probably be a better story had I handed my trousers over.  Alas, I sat with a kosher crotch and dinner started. 

Part of the Seder is reading the story of the Jews exodus.  Now, I know my bible history pretty well.  Growing up Catholic, studying world religions, doing musicals like JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR, GODSPELL, WEST SIDE STORY...oh wait...wasn't that last one in the New Testament?  Maybe not.  We started to read from the books when one house guest suggested that we just talk about the stories.  He appointed himself as the moderator and started asking questions.  Sweet! It was like Jeopardy! The Hebrew Edition.  We first started talking about Joseph and his brothers and their father.  He asked, "Who was Joseph's father?"  This was an easy one.  Kerri had played the role of "The Narrator" in JOSEPH AND THE AMAZING TECHNICOLOR DREAMCOAT and I knew the show well since I had turned it down once.  (Yeah, I'm that awesome that I was able to turn shows down!)  After he asked who the father was, Kerri and I turned to each other and quietly sang the chorus from one of the songs in the musical, JOSEPH....DREAMCOAT.  "Jacob! Jacob and sons!", we sang and I triumphantly turned to our self made moderator and said, "JACOB!".  He looked at me like I was stupid.  Of course, that could have been the fact that I was picking at Elijah's plate.   Hey, he didn't show the night before, so I figured it was free pickin's!  He smugly replies, "No, Joseph's father is Isaac."  As I said, I knew I was right.  And not just from the song, although, gotta say, it's in the song title, "Jacob and Sons."  I snapped right back.  "No, it was Jacob."  Again, he says, "NO, it's Isaac."  Reaffirming, I say, "I'm pretty sure it's Jacob."  Relentless, he continues, "No, I'm pretty sure it's Isaac."  Then, feeling the tenseness in the air, the others started chiming in.  All agreeing with me, the non Jew!  Even to the point where his wife grabs him and says, "It's Jacob, dear."  Instead of admitting defeat, he just retorts, "Anyway, let's move on."  I allowed it, proud in my correctness. 

We ended the night just hanging out with everyone.  I had a pleasant conversation with the grandmother.  And as we were saying our good-bye's, granny wanted to give me a kiss.  Awwwww, how cute!  But, the next moment was filled with sheer horror.  As I leaned in to hug and kiss her on the cheek, she planted one right on the lips.  ON THE LIPS!  WHY ON THE LIPS?  And...

Her mouth was open.  L'Chaim!

But, the best Seder we attended was at a restaurant.  Okay, technically it wasn't a Seder.  Kerri had never been to this particular establishment and always wanted to go.  So, we went. 

Yep.  A Hooter's Seder.  But, that's another story. 

I'm a Mentor!

Not mental.  Or a Mentos.  Though I have been called "The Freshmaker" on occasion.  Don't ask.  MENTOR.  Adviser, advisor, coach, counselor, guide, guru, instructor, teacher, trainer, tutor,etc.  I know, I know.  Hard to believe.  Yet it happened.  Don't seem fit to be teaching the kiddies, you say?  Well, I wasn't run out of Florida for nothing! Oh wait, those records are sealed.  Never mind. 

I started teaching at a local theater back in the early 90's when I was still living in Jacksonville, Florida.  I was 20 at the time. So, still pretty young to be teaching.  Nonetheless, I did it.  I started teaching acting, stage movement and stage combat.  Ages 4-18.  It was awesome!  Finally, I had a captured...uh captive audience of kids to worship me.  And worship they did.  Probably because their parents were paying phat $$$ for the classes.  Oh yeah, I'm expensive, but I'm good. 

Not only did I get to teach these kids and get personal gratification from that, but I got to meet all of the hot mom's when it was time to pick them up!  I remember one vividly.  I just call her Grant's mom.  Not Grant's tomb.  Or womb.  Although, that could be accurate.  Anyway, I was in my office one day when the female receptionist, Joey, called back and said she was sending someone back to talk to me about classes.  Usually, I come up front since sometimes I'm busy or not in the office, etc.  I was puzzled as to why Joey would do this.  Then, the door opened.  It was like an 80's heavy metal video.  Time seemed to slow down.  Wind magically started blowing her hair back.  And I swear I heard Motley Crue playing in the background.  Grant's mom had arrived.  Statuesque and absolutely stunning.  Thanks, Joey! Somehow, I got through it and managed to sign her 5 yr old, Grant, up for my classes.  Assuring her that I would take great care to nurture him.  Now, remember, I was only 20.  Mama was probably only 25 or so.  And those were my young and hot days.  The days passed and I would see her 5 days a week during summer camp.  We would always have these flirty conversations.  I found out she was a psychiatrist.  One day while we were chatting, I may have mentioned some issue.  She replied, "You should come lie on my couch some day."  Freud, you are the man with your slips! I looked at her with intrigue.  Realizing how it sounded and with other parents in ear shot, she quickly added, "You remember I am a psychiatrist, right?"  A-w-k-w-a-r-d...I saw right past her subtle sexual innuendos! We'll never know the love we could have had, Grant's mom.  Alas, I wish thee well. 

Okay, back to teaching.  Yes, I actually taught and didn't just hit on the mom's.  One of my first and favorite students was a shy little girl of 10 or 11 named Megan.  And teachers lie if they say they don't have favorites.  Parents too.  Megan was shy, introverted, mousy and seemed to lack self esteem.  There was something about her though.  She would get on stage and whisper.  To encourage her and build her up, I would yell at her and throw things.  I find this motivates kids.  She would often leave in tears, but it's tough love! (Kidding, obviously). Finally, she started projecting! I mean projecting as in being louder.  She was coming out of her shell!  Not a chocolate candy coated shell, but a shell nonetheless.  She even started singing. It was great to watch her blossom and start having a personality.  Seriously, through these acting and movement classes, she was able to overcome a lot of her shyness and started to grow up.  A little too quick.  I'd always find her smoking cigarettes and drinking malt liquor behind the theater.  I asked her where she learned that from and she replied, "I learned it from watching you!"  (Again, kidding!). I was her teacher for about 4 years and it was really hard to leave her and a few others when I decided to move to NYC in '94.  I felt like I was abandoning them.  I stayed in touch with a few of them, but Megan was the only one that lasted longer than a year.  Those kids.  So distracted.  OOOOH, SHINY! 

Okay, I'm back.  Megan and I would talk over the years.  Me always offering the fatherly advice. We didn't keep in touch on a regular basis, but we always knew we'd remain in one another's lives.  She visited on occasion and I would hang out with her and her mother, showing them the city.  She had flirted with the idea of moving up here after college.  About 3 or 4 yrs. ago, she finally did.  I offered a place to stay until she got on her feet.  Got her a job at the place I was bar managing.  This little girl that I knew and taught and counseled was all growed up. An intelligent, beautiful and clever young woman.  It was weird hanging out at bars with her.  I kept thinking it was wrong, but she's in her 20's now.  Still, kinda weird. Especially that she seemed to be able to drink me under the table.  We both went through some trying times and kind of drifted.  She went back to school.  And would come back and forth to NYC.  Then, I found out she was dating another manager I had worked with.  I was quite happy.  He's a good guy and I thought they made a good fit. She just got back in town and is living here again.  Recently, they announced their engagement and the wedding is set for April of next year in our hometown of Jacksonville.  She told me she wanted me to make a toast at the wedding, since I'm the one who introduced him and since I gave her the job, the reason they got together, etc.  

She grew up to be an amazing person.  She still calls me "her mentor" to this day.  So, she's a little naive,but don't hold that against her! Here's to ya, Megan!

Staking Claims in Tragic Times

I realize that a few of my posts have been on the serious tip lately.  You're asking yourself?  "Hey, where did the funny brown man go?  They're so cute at that age!"  Well, with the hurricane tragedy and the anniversary of 9/11, I have had more serious thoughts on my mind.  And some rants.  Here's one!

Often, tragedy can bring out the best in humanity.  People helping one another without regard to themselves.  But, also, it can bring out a selfish side as well.  I'm talking about people who claim the tragedy as their own. Making it about them.  And the people I am talking about are the ones completely out of harm's way.  The current national disaster in the Gulf Coast has brought out many of these people.  And, the anniversary of 9/11 reminded me of a few as well.  Let me give you an example:

When the tsunami hit, there was an outpouring of love and relief efforts world wide.  I remember watching The Daily Show and they showed a clip of Barbara Walter's day time talk show, The View.  You know, with that idiot that shouldn't be on TV, Star Jones.  The clip showed Star "LOOK AT ME" Jones saying, "I feel so blessed. I was just there a week ago! I can't believe I made it out in time."  Wow.  How far does your head have to be up your own ass?  Apparently, hers can go all the way up and pop back out on top again.  A rare talent. I think she must have been with Cirque de Blah Blah years ago.  You aren't blessed!  You were on vacation.  And a week later, the tsunami hit.  You aren't lucky.  There were so many that were not blessed and not lucky and who WERE there when it hit.  You weren't! So, don't try to claim that tragedy for yourself to get people to feel sorry for you and pay attention to you! 

I remember 9/11 vividly.  I live in NYC.  I happened to be in tower 1 the night before for a wine class.  I wasn't lucky.  I just wasn't there the next day.  I didn't go around saying how blessed I am for surviving.  I was all the way in midtown at my apartment.  Nowhere near the lower point of Manhattan.  I worked in a hotel that whole day and we took people in who did survive and I heard their stories first hand.  THOSE people escaped with their lives and are blessed.  Many others were not.  I heard people saying how they "just missed being there" or "thought about" going there that day.  Guess what?  You weren't there.  The people that were? They don't have that luxury you have of being alive and second guessing.  So shut it!

Which leads us to the current disaster that Hurricane Katrina caused. Like most, I felt horrible over the loss of all of the people and the city itself.  I was out the other night and heard this guy, let's call him "fuckball",  ranting about it.  He worked at this bar and someone came in and asked how he was doing.  Fuckball replies, "Well, I'm okay, considering."  The befuddled greeter asked,"Considering what?".  And he snaps, "CONSIDERING I'M FROM NEW ORLEANS! HAVE YOU NOT SEEN THE NEWS!?!"  Now, this person was just being friendly and greeting fuckball.  He had no idea that fuckball was from there.  The greeter's wife chimed in and was just trying to understand.  Fuckball kept snapping at her and saying she had no idea what he was going through.  Hey, fuckball!  You are in NYC.  You are alive.  You have a home. You have no idea what the real victims are going through.  IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU! Apparently, fuckball has family there.  Still, from what I know, his family is of the wealthier part and thus, higher ground.  All of his friends and family are safe.  But he hinted that he "hasn't heard from some."  He went on ranting about it and saying how he is so upset,etc.  Hey, we are all upset.  A lot of us have friends and family there.  What are we doing?  Trying to help.  Not claiming it as our own.  To be fair, I know he has sent money and has offered to help some displaced friends.  That is great.  But, to make it his own personal tragedy?  Disgusting.  Abhorrent.

Please. Let some good come out of bad.  Help people. A lot of people I know are taking people in, sending money, having benefits, etc. 

Moral of the story:  Don't be a fuckball.

Make a difference.

Crosswords

I am a crossword freak.  I always have been.  Ever since I was an embryo.  And, boy the Uterine Daily crossword was umbilical! I've tried to have a very large lexicon.  Yeah, I'm ghetto, but I'm also streetwise urbanian! Crosswords are a relaxing and stress free way of thinking.  And it's fun!  Well, for me.  You can learn too, kiddies!  Occasionally, if I don't know and am completely stumped, I will look a word or phrase up just because I want to know the meaning.  Thus expanding my ever expanding vocabulary!  Call it cheating if you want, but I call it sneaky learning.  How do you think I got a near perfect score on my SAT's?  Well, actually, I did cheat on those.  And the ACT's.  All of my finals. My 3 ex-wives.  The bar to start my lawyering.  And every diet I may have considered.  But, like with anything else, the more you do it, the better you get at it.  Well, except for clogging.  No matter how many years of classes, I will never get that.  Curse you Michael Flatley and your feet of flames! 

One of the things I dig about crosswords is that if you can figure out words around another clue, you might be able to figure out the missing clue just from a letter provided.  I is smart.  For instance, every Sunday, I attempt (usually complete) the New York Times Sunday crossword.  Considered one of the most challenging around.  (Yes, I'm boasting about my brains.  I'm smarter than you. I'm Asian.  We're made that way.  Get over it.)  Although, I think that the Friday and Saturday one is much harder.  Sunday is bigger, but seems to be on par with a Thursday puzzle.  Puzzles tend to be easier in the beginning of the week.  I guess the puzzle makers think we are stupid on Monday and geniuses at the end of the week.  I'm a genius daily, damn it! Okay, back to my example.  I was doing the puzzle yesterday and 22 across was "Pulmotor's purpose".  Now, I recognize the prefix "pul" and figured it must do with pulmonary.  Thus, dealing with the lungs and breathing. I had a few letters in the answer from clues I had answered on the "down" side.  I had the first 3 letters, "art" had an "a" and "r" and another letter or 2.  I realized, oh...."artificial respiration."  See? That easy!  Seriously, it can be! If you just sit and think about it, you can get it.  I know, I know. You have to use your brain.  Just try it, stoooooooooopids. 

Years ago, my friend, Mandy, was a big crossword head as well.  I didn't realize it until one night when a bunch of us were out.  It was Sunday night.  I had finished the puzzle earlier.  I started recognizing stuff she was saying in our conversations.  She was trying to find answers to clues by putting them in conversation!  Brilliant! We could have been talking about what type of wine we were going to order and she would burst out, "So, there are those British guns from back in the day...".  If someone knew what she was talking about, we would just say, "Oh, you mean a sten." And continue on without thinking anything of it.  Music might come up in the subject and she would pipe in with,"Does that song seem antediluvian?".  I responded,"Well, no, it's not 'out of date' because it was just released and...HEY! I know what you're doing!" She and I were the only 2 at the table who knew what was going on and had a big laugh.  Everyone else thought we were drunk.  Which we could have been.  I'll have to review the tape.  But, don't get me wrong.  She's a very smart girl.  And I actually thought it was quite ingenious how she tried to incorporate the clues into conversation.  You're not really asking for help, you're just fishing for answers! Resplendent! Effulgent! Incandescent!....okay, I went to thesaurus.com for that.  Sue me. 

Pick up crossword.  Give it a shot. If that's too difficult, then start with a word search.  And if that's too difficult, try tic-tac-toe.  And if that's too difficult...then you're a big stupid head. 

Rock Star Comic Book Artist

There are many who could fall under that title.  Well, not many, but there certainly are some superstar artists in the comic book world.  But, to be a rock star in that world?  That's something different. It means you have this presence.  People want to know you, be around you, talk to you, touch you, etc.  Oh, I know, you think I'm talking about myself.  Well, I do have those qualities, but I'm not a comic book artist.  I'm a mad doodler though!

Whom am I talking about then?  Jim Lee? Frank Miller? Todd McFarlane? Rob Liefeld Hahahahahahahaha!!!! Sorry, had to throw that one in for comic relief.  Maybe one of the legends like Jack Kirby? John Romita? Sergio Aragones? Charles Schultz? Or how about the painters like Alex Ross? Bill Sienkewicz?

Nah, it's my good buddy, John Cassaday.  (Click on to check out his stuff!)

I met Cassaday a few years back when he was dating a friend of mine.  Of course, I knew who he was since I was currently reading one of the books he was drawing, PLANETARY.  He wasn't that rock star status yet.  But, you could tell, he was getting there.  We hung out that night and he was a really cool and humble dude. I really liked his work, but he didn't bring out the "fan boy" in me.  Comic book geeks are called fan boys.  I think it started out as a pretty negative moniker to make fun of them, but became comical and now a proud title.  We ended up trading emails and stayed in touch even after he and my friend called it quits.  It was cool watching his progression over the past few years from "artist on the rise" to one of the hottest artists in the biz.  Currently, he is still doing PLANETARY and is continuing his work on ASTONISHING X-MEN with writer, Joss Whedon.  Yes, that Joss Whedon.  The creator of BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER, ANGEL and FIREFLY.  (SERENITY, the movie based on the short lived FIREFLY series opens on Sept. 30th!) Marvel Comics basically started a brand new title just for the 2 of them to work on.  It has won every award out there and continues to gain kudos. 

In July, my friend, Joe and I went to the San Diego Comic-Con.  THE mecca of comic book conventions.  Cassaday was going to be there and a few others I know.  Joe had started doing his podcast about the comic book and animation world, called Comic News Insider.  I became the "roving reporter" upon our journey to San Diego. We did about 5 or 6 interviews with some up and comers and some living legends.  Even Cassaday himself.  Click on the link above and download Episode 18 to hear it.  Good stuff!

Here's where I witnessed the rock star status in Cassaday.  He was doing a signing and told me to meet him after he was done so we could grab some eats.  I swung by the Marvel Comics booth where he was signing to see what time he would be finished.  The line was really long.  I looked over at my friend who was doing this signing for hours.  Never a grimace.  Didn't turn anyone away.  Took pictures with people.  Drew pictures for people.  Chatted with them.  Changed their tires.  Everything. He had fans!  I swear I saw a grown man crying at one point.  Sure, he was a bit overweight and his Batman underoos seemed a little too tight, but that probably wasn't it. And, yes, there were not just fan boys, but fan girls!  Cassaday is an anomaly in the comic book biz.  He's a pretty motherfucker.  Most comic book guys are stereotypically fat and unattractive. Not this guy!  He had to go against the grain and get beaten by the pretty stick.  What a selfish jerk!  Anyway, he had girls lined up and I think they wanted more than just his autograph.  And they got it.  I have video to prove it.  But, I'm holding on to that to blackmail him one day. 

We were out at bars in San Diego and people were buying him drinks.  Fellow professionals sang his praises.  Women threw themselves at him.  A few guys too.  Made for some awkward moments, but I rolled with it.  (More videos to follow...)  In one of our interviews, comic book writer Ben Raab called him the "Mick Jagger" of comics.  I say he's more Justin Timberlake, but that could just be me.  Yeah, he's that annoying guy in school that we all wanted to hang with and all the girls wanted to be with.  I gotta deal with that every time we hang out.  I'm part of his "posse".  He is from Texas after all.  They have posses there.  Look it up. 

I know what you're thinking.  He's my friend, so of course, I'm gonna support him.  Hey, I have a lot of friends who suck at stuff. I support them, but you wont hear me saying how good they are at the stuff they are sucking at.  Or on.  Cassaday has created his own style and that is what has garnered him his accolades and much deserved success.  His talent speaks for itself.  So, yes I praise and support.  Good thing he doesn't suck or I'd have to be a good liar.  I suck at lying though, so we'd probably not be friends. 

He's talented. He's good looking. He's a nice guy.  I hate him. 

But, if you roll up on him, I'll cut ya. 

Hey, it's my job. I'm head of his security now.