Jimmy's Juke Joint

Boo!

Happy Halloween, bitches!  It's officially today, of course.  But, most revelers celebrated over the weekend.  As did I.  Some great costumes out there.  Some lame ones.  I fit somewhere near one of those lame ones.  It's never been a holiday that I get all stoked for.  I know people who plan outfits months in advance.  I always throw something together at the last minute.  Sometimes fun and cool.  Often easy and stupid.  Just like my ex-girlfriend.  Take it easy, I ain't saying which!  Here are some outfits from years previous. The first one here was back in '96.  My room mate at the time did the horror make up for me and 4 other guys.  We all waited tables at this restaurant and went as the "undead waitstaff".  We wuz a big hit!  The second was an easy costume that I did for 3 different years.  I'm dressed as "The Crow" of the movie and comic book fame.  My make up was more from the comic, but people got the idea.  The 3rd shot here was from a couple of years ago.  Yeah, I was big pimpin.  I wanted something quick and easy.  I ended up going to a costume shop and spent a crap load on that pimpin coat!  Oh well.  I figured I could use it again.  I did again last year, but added an afro to be a little different.  Which leads us to this year.

Oh, my costume?  I decided to recycle the pimp outfit again, but I wanted to do a twist to it.  I had a bunch of wigs from my sketch comedy group.  I decided to try to be an undead or zombie pimp.  Didn't really work out the way I wanted, but I thought I looked funny and it would at least get a laugh.  Yeah, that's me.  Nice mullet wig, eh?  I kept telling people I was different things when they asked. That's my friend, Senta, dressed as Violet from WILLIE WONKA. My friends, James and Natalie, were going as vampires.  We met at their apartment cuz that's where they have sex, uh, live.  They were having trouble keeping their teeth in and ended up just giving up.   Natalie still looked very goth hot (see pic) with her make up and black wig!  

It made me laugh how a lot of people were dressed as things that should have some gruesomeness, but refused to go all out so they could still look pretty.  Halloween's about being something you're not people!  Get with it!  I was under no illusion that I was gonna pick up the hot cop girls in my wig and make up.  I just went out to see people and have fun.  And that I did.  We ran into some friends at the party and by far, one of my favorite costumes, was what Kim wore.  That's her and her hubby, John.  He had a pretty funny horsey costume.    

I didn't take a ton of pics.  Got a great one here of my friend, Erick as Zorro.   He kept leaving his "Z" all over the place.  

Some friends came by last night on their way to a party.  Some sort of vampire themed event.  Kami, like my other friends, was having fang issues.  But, I got a good shot of her trying to bite Joy. Joy is always willing for a bite.  As is evident by this next shot.  As you may notice, Joy has a different outfit on there.  I made her put her vampire party outfit on.  A hint of coy innocence in white with a sexy, sultry blood thirst waiting to emerge.  I gotta say though, her best improvised (well, with my suggestion) costume was just in the t-shirt she was wearing. 

LOOK!  UP IN THE SKY! IT'S A BIRD! IT'S A PLANE!  IT'S SUPER JOY!

Look at that commitment to rescue in her eye! Of course, she's only ready to rescue another Stoli O and soda to get all super liquored.  And, that's why we're good friends.  Also, because I'm Batman.  Keep it on the down low. 

Time Change

Did you set your clocks back?  Or are you one of those who forgot?  Sitting at home wondering why things seem an hour off.  Even though in today's world, devices change automatically.  My cell phone, cable box, DVD player, computer,etc. all automatically changed over.  Yet, my DVR (digital video recorder, bitches!), seemed to get confused this morning.  Instead of waking up and watching my weekly dose of the train wreck that is Danny Bondaduce, the DVR recorded one of those damn 80's shows! 

I recently hung out with my friend, Mike, who has a true fear of the 80's.  I'm starting to understand why.  Hey, I got some great memories from there and it's all nostalgic-y.  But, for the love of pete!  VH1 has full on marathons about it!  Guess what peoples...THE 80'S ARE OVER!  Let it go.  Just let it go.  Do your hair like the guy from A Flock of Seagulls, sing some Duran Duran, watch some reruns of Miami Vice and then.....MOVE ON!

Anyway, even with the clock set back.  Apparently I'm confused.  Because I'm about to be late for work.  You think I'd be early.  Obviously, you don't know me.  Can we set it back another hour?  Just this once? Anyone? 

Writing Partners

I love writing.  It's what I do.  The reason I started this blog was to make myself write every day.  And, so far, I've succeeded!  Yay, me! Sometimes, I will write a very short post.  Most often, it's quite a read.  Do I love myself that much or just want others to listen to what I have to say?  Probably a little of both.  Okay, A LOT of both.  Besides posting daily on here, I also write other things.  As you know, I am in the HOME GROAN SKETCH COMEDY group.  We write and perform all of our shows.  Our upcoming show is in a few weeks.  It will be my 4th show with the group.  The first show, I wrote only 1 or 2 skits.  The second show, I went buck wild and wrote more than half of it.  About 14 skits or so.  The 3rd show, I probably wrote 4 or 5.  This show, I have written 2 and have a couple of other ideas in mind.  Now, as I mentioned before, we all work on each other's skits.  It has been a learning experience to say the least.  My very first skit that I did for the show last October was called KILL PHIL.  A spoof of KILL BILL about Dr. Phil.  Of course, I thought it was brilliant.  I sent it off to a few of the others and they loved it!  Sweeeeeet.  Then, they mentioned some changes.  My ego jumped out and said,

"Changes?  Are you kidding me?  I'm brilliant!  You don't change brilliance!  You people are lucky are to have me!  Don't be holding back a brother!  It's the white man trying to keep a brown brother down! Fight the power!" 

Then, I checked myself before I wrecked myself.  (Thanks, Ice Cube!) Took a look at what they had to say and really liked a lot of it!  We worked on it together, but after awhile, I felt like it was being over analyzed.  We eventually got it down and it was very funny.  So, all good!  However, I got spoiled the 2nd show when I wrote so much.  I was the only one writing a lot, so most of my stuff got used.  That's no dig to the others.  They are great writers, but admittedly had some writers block that show.  So, my ego came back out and patted myself on the back.  Still, I feel like things get over analyzed often.  Sometimes I just want it to be funny.  And it is.  And someone else wants it to be smarter and still funny. I think we're both right.  We have to find that balance and usually do.  Easy laughs are just that...easy.  So, the smarter and more clever the comedy, the better.  But, I don't mind the easy humor on occasion.

The last show, we replaced one guy (who never wrote anything) with another (who did!).  We worked pretty well together.  I work really well with my friend who brought me in the group too.  She's incredibly smart and clever.  But, we butt heads on occasion.  This show, we're back to 6 people.  3 guys, 3 girls.  We all have written stuff, but I have been a bit off track lately.  I have only written 2 things, as I mentioned.  Both, frickin brilliant, of course!  Actually, when they were first read aloud, everyone seemed to love them.  I mentioned it before, that I wrote a spoof of the upcoming movie, RENT.  I knew it wasn't 100%, but it really didn't need that much work.  I missed a rehearsal Tuesday and showed up Thursday.  Apparently, it was discussed that some changes were needed in my musical sketch.  One of the other group members, showed up with a completely reworked version!  I was quite taken aback.  Here's my thing, and do let me know if I'm wrong. 

I was always under the impression with writing partners/groups.  If I write something, I show it to you all and you offer suggestions/changes.  With today's technology, emailing back and forth has made this an easy process.  Or, if you present it publicly, then a discussion can happen over changes, etc.  I don't agree with the idea of just taking it as your own and changing it without even keeping the original writer in the loop.  I have had many ideas for other people's skits.  If so, I email them or call or let them know in some way.  I don't rewrite what they have and present it as such.   

So, when this happened, I didn't react well.  I read it and tried to get through it.  Sure, some good changes and ideas.  But, really not in the same spirit as I had intended.  I looked it over all night and added some minor things that the other writer had changed, but kept most of my original work.  I think it will be great.  They thought so at first.  I am really anal about my writing.  I re-read and edit emails, for fucks sake!  I certainly am humble enough to realize that I'm not the be all, end all of writing.  (Though, that can be argued.)  I'm very open to suggestions.  Hell, last show, I wrote a couple of pieces that I handed over to another group member to fix up and change.  That person kept the same idea I had and just added minor things to tweak it.  Not completely change it all together. 

This is a tough thing and hard line to figure out. I have never been in a situation of sharing my work and having people change it around and stuff.  It's actually quite enlightening, humbling and exciting! I will fight to keep my ideas and yield when I realize that I need to uh....yield. 

I think it all comes down to ego.  We all certainly have it.  Whether it's me holding on to my brilliant work, or someone trying to show that they are more brilliant by trying to change it.  Still, there can be compromises.  Like with my other skit.  I presented it at rehearsal the other night and everyone liked it.  Then, we talked about it.  "Hey, maybe move that line to here and cut that one out.  Have that line say this instead of that. "  All minor changes that made sense and I completely agreed.  And changed them.  See?  I can be accommodating!  Just come at me in the right way.  Like anything in my life, if you roll up on me unexpectedly, I might have to cut ya! 

Okay, enough of the ranting and whining.  This show will rock.  We all have talent in the writing field and can really help each other out.  As we do.  We just have to figure out when to stop fixing stuff so much. 

*sigh*...I wonder if Einstein had his contemporaries constantly trying to change his Theory of Relativity.  "Dude...change it to X=mc2.....X is so much cooler than E! And cube it instead of squaring it!" 

Yeah...I just compared my sketch comedy writing situation with Einstein.  That's right, bitches.  I'm smart.  And I will continue to let you know it.  If ya don't like it, then go read your other friend's blog.  You know, the one that goes like this.  "I woke up. Went to the bathroom.  Peed. Brushed my teeth.  Ironed my shirt.  Beat my kids. Went to work.  Came home. Masturbated and went to sleep." 

At least I keep it exciting!  Either with the funny or the fury!  I'll keep bringing it.  Whether you read it or not. 

Man....I guess it is all about my ego.  Oh well.

My MasterCard Commercial

18 oz. Lobster tails.....$89.95

12 oz. Filet Mignon.....$35.95

1999 Ponzi Pinot Noir.....$80.00

Total bill with tip for dinner with beautiful, young lady.....$374.95

Walking said beautiful young lady home, kissing each other on the cheek goodnight and not getting any.....PRICELESS.

There are some things money can't buy, for everything else there's MasterCard.

Truer words were never spoken.  *sigh*

The 5th Viewing

Oh yes.  I went and saw the film for the 5th time.  That's right.  5.  I've always dug the number 5.  It was my soccer jersey number.  It's in the title of some great movies like THE FIVE DEADLY VENOMS and....uh...well...THE RETURN OF THE FIVE DEADLY VENOMS.  Those classic kung fu flicks of my youth!  5 fingers on each hand.  5 toes on each foot.  5 testicles.  Or was that just me?  And you wonder why I wear baggy pants all of the time.  The boys need their space!  5 times seeing the same movie in the theater is crazy, you say?  HAVE YOU SEEN IT?  It gets better every time.  Seriously.  It's that good.  Unfortunately, it isn't doing well according to some expectations and will probably be out of theaters in a week or so.  So, catch it now, bitches! 

I have seen many movies numerous times.  But, that's usually catching them again and again on the TV.  Not paying for it in the movies! I probably saw the original STAR WARS trilogy a couple of times each.  A friend of mine in high school worked at a local movie theater so I would go a lot.  I remember seeing ALIENS about 3 times.  The summer of '99 had SOUTHPARK and THE MATRIX come out which I'm sure I saw at least 2 or 3 times each.  And, of course, I saw CROSSROADS about 47 times in the theaters. Yes, CROSSROADS.

You know...Britney's movie.  That's right.  Don't be hatin'!

You pick up more things upon repeat viewings of a movie.  With SERENITY, you find other things going on.  A joke here, a movement there, a character's reaction, the midgets having sex in the background, the cameo of Sarah Michelle Gellar as "Buffy, the Vampire Slayer", the car chases (which seemed out of place in a space western), and all of the Heineken and Pizza Hut product placements.  I guess they are still having beer and pizza in the future.  Some things to look forward to! 

I went with about 9 people from the fan group.  Some were on their 10th viewing and others were just on their 2nd.  We all enjoyed it just the same.  It's cool having people to talk about it with after.  We went out and had some drinks.  Starting at a Scottish pub.  Men in kilts.  Shots of bourbon. Shots of tequila.  A fear of The '80's.  Great beer.  Geto Boys.  Lap dances. THE LOST BOYS.  A Dominican Thanksgiving. And vampire porn.  That's right.  I was supposed to be in one a few years ago.  But, that's another story for another time.  (Ooooohhh...the suspense!)  We ended at a piano bar.  Tourists and gay people.  Sitting behind the piano player.  Smacking my lesbian crush in the ass.  Numerous times. More drinks. More bourbon. Great voices. Picking up the tab. (Who do I think I am, Trump?).  And a photo of me with money in my mouth half way up a girl's shirt.  Sorry, I ain't tellin and I ain't showin the pic!  Mostly because I don't have the pic.  Curses! 

Hungover as hell today, but it was worth it.  Seeing the flick and hanging with fellow fans.  If the Superbowl was on and we were at The Hustler Club, I could have died.  I love my life. 

Secrets & Lies

I am way too good at keeping secrets.  I'm not talking about gossip.  When someone says, "Don't tell anyone about Diana getting knocked up."  Or, "I hear Jimmy has crabs."  Crap.  That was supposed to be a secret.  I bought lotion and it should be cleared up soon.   Anyway, stuff like that is all just gossip stuff and essentially harmless.  If you don't want people to know, they keep your trap shut, bitches!  I'm talking about true secrets.  Like, "I killed 3 people in Iowa and ate them for dinner."  That's a secret.  Creepy and frightening, but a secret none the less.  Or, "I just started dating Paris Hilton."  Which, would only be a secret to protect her anonymity...hahahahaha!  Please.  If I was dating her, then it would probably be me wanting it kept under wraps.  Hey, she's whorey and stupid, but she's hot.  Who am I kidding?  I'd release the tape as it was being made. 

I have friends tell me stuff sometimes.  You can always flesh out what is truly a secret.  And, that it remains.  So many times I want to blurt it out.  But, that whole loyalty crap comes into play.  Curses.  But, I loves my people and if they want something kept quiet, then quiet it is. 

While I'm good at keeping others secrets, I often have a big mouth when it comes to things about myself that I should probably not share.  Yeah, I'm one of those people who sometimes share WAY too much.  Often freaking my friends out in the process.  Yes, I like trolling the old folks homes for a hot and horny octogenarian.  I love experienced women.  Love flailing myself with a whip while saying my rosary.  Love singing Hillary Duff songs while I'm having sex.  Okay, crap.  Those aren't secrets.  Those are issues.  I should go into therapy. 

Some secrets that I would like you all to keep. 

My penchant for dressing up as Barbara Bush.  It's just something I do. 

Making girls dress up in outfits to please my geekiness.  Ergo, the "Princess Leia in slave outfit" from RETURN OF THE JEDI. Don't be calling me Jabba!

My love of the boobage.  Probably not a secret, that one.  You know me so well.

Finding out that I have two 16 year old daughters living in Seattle. They look just like daddy!

And then finding out about another daughter.  Man, I get around.  I guess that's what happens when you've been around the block more times than the ice cream man.  Mmmmmm....ice cream.  Think I'll go get some.

Okay, now keep all of this secret, kids.  Or I won't tell you about the family of midgets I keep under my bed.  Hey! I wanted my very own Oompa Loompas and they love it here!  So, keep it on the down low and go get your own! 

SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Sketch Comedy Stuff

You all know that I am in a sketch comedy group called HOME GROAN SKETCH COMEDY.   Click on that link and you get...

NOTHING!  Wheeeee!  Take it easy.  We're working on the website and should have it up soon.  So, settle down, bitches! I know you want all things that have to do with me, but learn some patience!  And the picture above is from the postcard of our last show in May.  So, info is not current!

HGSC is planning their next show.  Info will be posted here as well as our website when it is up.  Plus, we'll have fliers or postcards to pass out.  I'll go ahead and tell you the dates so you can put them away in your little planners.  We are doing 4 Tuesday shows in a row starting November 15th and continuing November 22nd, November 29th and December 6th.  Of course, the last show is 3 days before my birthday on December 9th.  Lots to plan for!  Shows will be at 8 pm at this nice little 100 seat theater downtown.  More details to follow.  We were there rehearsing last night and are pretty stoked about it.  We have had some ghetto spaces to work in, so this is a treat.  Our last show was at Caroline's.  Which, by name, is prestigious, but the space sucks ass for sketch comedy.  And, they are a bunch of assholes to work with and still owe us money!  Don't see a show there unless it's a big star.  At least you know they will be treated well.  They don't care about us little people. 

Anyway, we have about 5 weeks until the show opens and we always work quick.  We've got a lot of brilliant sketches already done.  I'm actually a bit behind on my writing of sketches lately.  Normally, I have a ton to present.  Not all are used.  Kind of like one of those "brilliant but cancelled" shows.  I guess my comedy is just too clever for some of my fellow writers/performers to understand.  Just joshing, stooooooopid.  They are great writers as well and we have some good stuff.  But, as always, this blog is about me, so let's talk about my sketches.  And, I'm just going to give you a hint.  You have to come see the show to see it, punks!  I wrote a musical spoof to the tune of "Seasons of Love" from the musical RENT.  As you many know, the movie version is being released in about a month.  Actually, the day after our first show.  See, I'm topical!  The movie is using the original Broadway cast.  Well most of them.  10 years later.  My spoof deals with that.  It's funny stuff!  I'm working on some other stuff too.  But, to get an idea of my humor, that is if you haven't from this blog, let me share some of my favorite past comedy sketches that I have written.  In no particular order.

QUENTIN TARANTINO'S SIDEWAYS-  What if Tarantino directed SIDEWAYS?  You remember.  The hit movie about wine?  I had Sam Jackson and Uma Thurman playing the characters.  Sam tasting wine: "Put your nose in it and smell! What is that fragrance....aaahhh...yes...HOOKER'S ASS!"  It spiraled down from there into a big shoot out.  Damn funny.

HARDBALL WITH DAVE MATTHEWS- I was watching Hardball with Chris Matthews on MSNBC and for some reason it entered my head.  What if Dave Matthews, that over-blown, over-hyped "rock" star, hosted a political show?  This sketch had him interviewing Hillary Clinton and George Bush, all the while he just kept singing his songs.  Hilarity ensued.

THE CAMP CUPCAKE REDEMPTION- I took the trailer from The Shawshank Redemption and applied it to Martha Stewart in prison.  "Get busy baking.  Or get busy frying."  Oh yeah.  Much funniness.

KILL PHIL- My first sketch I wrote for my first show with the group last October.  Once again, combining genres.  I had Uma Thurman's character wanting to kill Phil. Dr. Phil that is!  I played the good ol doc with bad bald wig and all. 

DESPERATE WHITE HOUSE WIVES- The phenomenon of the hit show had to be spoofed.  So I had former and current white house first ladies in this spoof.  Laura and Barbara Bush, a drunk Betty Ford, Nancy Reagan, Hillary Clinton and Jackie O. narrating.  I even wore a dress as Barbara Bush.  That's right.

SEARCHING NEVERLAND- Once again, took the trailer from a popular flick and transformed it.  I applied FINDING NEVERLAND to the Michael Jackson situation.  Some of the exact voice overs from the trailer were used and it REALLY applied.  Like, "What began as a chance encounter will forever change their lives."  True dat!

DARTH VADER ROAST-  I took the popularity of the celebrity roasts and had the Star Wars cast roasting Vader.  I played the host, Lando Calrissian, complete with Colt 45 in hand.  Luke and Leia made out and even Yoda made an appearance via satellite!

WHO'S YOUR BABY DADDY- Yep, a game show ala The Dating Game where the girl was trying to figure out which one of the "baby daddy's" was the father of her child. Caused much controversy in the group with one person and he refused to be in it.  We did it anyway, because it was fucking funny as hell!  (p.s.  he is no longer in the group.)

There are many others that I wrote that I love.  And, to be fair, we all send scripts to each other to add, edit, adjust, etc.  So, many of the above might have touches by the other members of the troupe as well.  As always though....MY BLOG.  Yeah, I'm selfish like that.  But, I'm funny as hell so you usually get over it. 

Stay tuned for more updates and possible spoilers to the upcoming show! 

The 6th Floor

I've been living in NYC since '94.  I have never lived higher than the 6th floor in the many, and I do mean many, apartments that I have resided in.  Needless to say, I hear the sounds of the city constantly.  I have lived across from police stations, fire stations, hotels, crack houses, whore houses, etc.  Well, I probably hung out in the last 2 more than across from them.  Still...

The noises can vary from loud cars honking, car alarms, sirens, people screaming, and the ever loving jack hammer.  This is what awoke me this morning.  Sounds of the jack hammer.  I have dealt with this for years and should be pretty used to it and all of the other sounds.  While I can sleep through almost anything, that damn jack hammer has the power to wake my ass up!  I've seen the news after arising and noticed big accidents on my street.  Slept right through.  Street fairs.  No idea until I look out the window.  Godzilla rampaged down 8th ave.  I snored away.  The big Thanksgiving Day Parade took a detour through my neighborhood.  I just dreamed of big balloons flying away.  The Million Baby March was held on my street and I still tuned out all of that crying. 

Curse you jack hammer!  I will get you one day.  I lay in bed with dreams of revenge.  I keep thinking, "I could go to the roof and throw water balloons at the guys using it!"   It would probably just piss them off and they're union and that means mafia and I would end up in the East River or something.  And then I'd have to deal with all of the loud boats and stuff disturbing my eternal slumber. 

If I were to look out of the window and see a hot girl with power tools, then my sleep wouldn't be so disturbed. I would have been meant to be awoken.  That's just a theory. 

I suppose I could eventually move to a higher apartment.  Or out to the suburbs.  Whenever I visit my sister in New Jersey, I sleep so soundly.  Not a sound to be heard.  Except the birds.  Which, come to think of it, can be just as annoying as the jack hammer. 

Who am I kidding?  I'm a city boy.  I'll take the jack hammer over the morning bird whistles any day. Unless I find a way to eliminate both?  Hmmmm....  Maybe I could get them to turn on one another.  I think the birds would win in the end.  They're peckish like that.  And, Hitchcock didn't make a movie called "The Jackhammers".  But, I bet if he did, it would be really scary. 

Going back to bed.  All I hear now is cars, sirens, people and helicopters.

Aaaaahhh......sweet bliss.  Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Late

Why the hell am I always running late?  I have to get out the door and be at work in 30 minutes and still haven't showered and stuff.  Granted, I only live 5 blocks from work, but what is wrong with me?  With all my bad habits in life, I blame my  moms.  Sorry, mama!  I gots mad love for ma dukes, but you're getting the blame for this thing since we were ALWAYS late growing up.  I remember once when I was about 11 or so and how fed up I was being late.  So, I set every clock in the house 15 minutes ahead.  Ingenious!  Back then, there was a phone number that you called to get the exact time to set your clocks, etc.  My mother constantly called it.  Sort of a time obsession.  The ploy worked and we were out the door early.  However, mama decided to call the number.  The automated voice says, "First Federal Time is 8:15 a.m."  Normally, we left late around 8:30 or so.  She looks at the clock.  Calls the number back.  "First Federal Time is 8:16 a.m."   She looks at the clock again, clearly set 15 minutes ahead.  Looks at me anxiously awaiting to leave.  She gives me a mom look and we get in the car.  I was on time for once!

I think she asked me about it and I confessed and then she threatened to "turn my butt blue" if I ever tamper with the clocks again. 

I've been late ever since. 

Corpse Bride

Okay, third time's the charm.  I've got a strategy about this post though.  I'm just going to talk about the movie.  I'll do the Tim Burton vs. Kevin Smith post at another time.  Maybe I'll be able to get through this without losing everything like the last 2 times.  Here goes.

Okay, I saw Tim Burton's CORPSE BRIDE the other night. My review.

*Yawn*

Well, not that bad.  But very slow in places.  And by in places I mean all over.  Let's just say it was no THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS.  It was cute and clever and fun, but just not consistent.  I liked the idea, but it just seems like Burton was using characters he didn't get a chance to use in his other movies.  Sort of the bastard step child that Edward Scissorhands and Big Bertha from the Pee-Wee movie had.  I really like Tim Burton and can't think of a film of his that I didn't dig.  Always quirky and imaginative and just plain weird.  You just know he was that weirdo goth kid that wore a "The Cure" t-shirt and black eye liner and you picked on him until no end because you were so dissatisfied with your own lame existence that you needed to put someone else down just to make your life seem worthwhile when in truth you were a short step away from another teen suicide statistic and that's why you would cry yourself to sleep every night with a copy of Cosmopolitan and Hi-Life under your pillow while listening to The Best of Air Supply til your tape deck ate the tape. 

Uh...not that I would know anything about that personally.  Back to the flick.  There's the music of Danny Elfman, he of former Oingo Boingo fame.  Now, Burton's bitch.  He has scored all of Burton's film's except for ED WOOD.  I loves me some Elfman.  But, I also feel like his stuff is getting repetitive.  Same dark tones.  Similar lyrical content.  It just seems like Elfman was using music he didn't get a chance to use in the other Burton movies.  Sort of the bastard step child that Batman and the Siamese twins from BIG FISH had.  Wait....didn't I just say the same thing about Burton? Maybe I'm on to something. 

Anyway, the movie is watchable and like-able enough, yet quite repetitive.  Like Burton and Elfman were having a goth orgy and decided to call the sex line instead. 

That's probably their next collaboration.  Keep checking your copy of Variety for details.