ER Blues

Last week I dropped some glass behind the bar at work and it bounced back up in pieces and attached itself to my arm.  Yummmmy.  Yeah, lotsa blood started flowing out like water after the little boy pulled his finger out of the dike.  That's not dirty!  It's an old folk tale.  Look it up, people! It was a small cut, so I didn't think anything of it.  However, throughout the week, it started to hurt more, bruised up and swelled. 

Off to the ER I went!  (Okay, not in an ambulance, I just walked about 10 blocks to the hospital.  I'm not THAT lazy.  Almost.)

I was worried it would take really long.  As per usual, I wasn't wrong.  I actually got seen pretty quickly and then told to "follow the green line".  They really didn't tell me what to do after that.  Being a genius, I figured out that I had to approach the woman at the window.  Gave her my name and she came out to escort me to a small room.  I waited about 15 minutes and a doctor came in.  She asked my name and what was wrong.  I told her I thought it might have glass in there still since it was a bit painful.  She seemed surprised and said, "Well, let's get you an X-ray then."  Wait....aren't YOU the doctor?  Shouldn't YOU suggest that?  What's next?  Should I administer my own shots?  Hold on, I think they are paging me for surgery.  Anyway, she asks if I had my tetanus shot and honestly, I couldn't remember.  I figured I'd be getting one, she'd put some sort of goo on my cut, get an X-ray and be done.  Not to be.  She abruptly leaves and I sit there waiting another 30 minutes or so.  Finally, a nurse comes in and escorts me to the X-ray room.  Scratch that, X-ray waiting area.  There were already 4 people waiting.  I sat down and waited.  Noticing a hot doctor in the process.  Even in her scrubs.  Made me wanna rip my arm open so she could come over and help me.  Alas, I did not.  I just waited.  Waited. Waited some more.  Continued to wait.  Slept a bit.  And waited. 

Everyone in front of me went.  Then some dude sits down next to me.  Fingers bandaged.  He was fine, just waiting for X-rays too.  But, he was one of those who just wanted to talk to someone.  I made it very clear I didn't.  What with the sleeping, turning completely away from him, reading, iPod in, etc.  He got the hint and actually walked over to a female patient lying in a gurney.  I bet she wished someone could have wheeled her away.  So, I did.  We made our escape, but were stopped by hospital security.  I quickly returned Granny back to her scheduled surgery.  We had a moment and just remembered our time together.  Like they say, better to have loved and lost and all. 

Eventually, I was asked into radiology.  She asks me to put a huge lead bag over my junk.  You, know, so my boys don't get all radiated and I get some stripper pregnant with mutant babies.  Although that may have happened already.  If I get one more email that says, "My mommy says you're my daddy" without proof....I'm suing! X-rays only took about 10 minutes and then she shooed me off back to the waiting room.  Another 45 minutes til they call me.  The nurse comes around and quickly hands me paper and shuttles me off to the discharge office.  No, I wasn't at the sperm bank.  They were discharging me from the hospital.  Before I could ask the nurse anything, like, oh, I don't know....IS THERE GLASS IN MY ARM?!!!, I was in the office.  The nurse had told me to call a number on my instruction sheet and everything would be taken care of.  The discharge office guy has me sign something and then....

I'm done. 

WTF?  That's it?!! I felt so gypped!  Like an ex-girlfriend who would kiss me all over except in a certain area. And by all over, I mean pretty much everywhere but there.  (*hint*...it's my stuff!).  Surely I was going to have a doctor come in, give me some numbness shot and start knifing into my arm, stitch it up, wrap it up and done!  Nope.  I walk out dejected.  I stop in the main waiting room to read my "instructions".  I have a wound infection.  I guess I should be happy that there isn't glass in there.  At least I don't think there is.  How would I know?  I visited the hospital where everyone is mute.  Sheeesh.  So, I have to call and make an appointment to be seen by a doctor. 

What?  Isn't that what I just did?  No wonder the U.S. is hailed as having the greatest health care in the world.  Maybe when I have my doctor visit, I'll get a shot and some bandages this time. 

Well, one can dream.   

Comments

[Mia]

JIMMMMMMY~! im sorry you hurt your arm... but i know something to make you feel much better... YOU'RE COMING TO VISIT US IN LIKE.... 22 DAYS! which is in fact my all time favorite number :) you're site has really improved since last time i hit it up... keep it up mista!
<3 your favorite girl west of the mississippi!!!