Jimmy's Juke Joint

X-Box Living

The X-Box gaming system. When it first came out, I wanted one. I refrained. I hadn't owned a gaming system in years. Not even a PlayStation 1 or 2. The closest thing I had was a Nintendo Game Boy that I got for free from a friend. He was doing promos for them and was given a bunch of them. Sweeeeet. I think that got my gaming genes going again. Then, about 2 X-mases ago, I was walking by the big Toys R Us in Times Square. I wandered in. And purchased. I thought to myself,"Wow, I've really given up on getting a girl, haven't I?" I played day and night. Some games, I raced home to play. Others, I could wait. Slowly, like everything else in my life, I got bored with it. Starting games and not finishing them. Not buying new ones. Then, the other night, I picked it up again. I was near completion on the game, MERCENARIES. You know the one with the commercials that say, "Blow stuff up. Blow it up again. Blow the crap out of it!" And that I did! I hadn't played since June. Man, I was off!

I forgot what good therapy it is to blow the crap out of stuff in video game land! I have had some minor annoyances in life lately and it feels awesome to take a tank and start shooting at the enemy! If only I could solve all of my problems in life that way. I have to stop thinking that way. When I first started playing GRAND THEFT AUTO, I would walk by a car and just know I could jack it. I'd want to run down the street knocking people in the head. I refrained. Well, after getting my ass kicked and thrown in jail several times. Then, I refrained.

But, for now...I'm back! I've got some catching up to do. I'm going to continue blowing the crap out of things. Stay out of my way or I'll blow the crap out of you too! Wait..that sounded...nasty. VIDEO GAMES, PEOPLE! VIDEO GAMES!

SAG Awards

The SAG Awards. Honoring Hollywood's Saggiest Actors. Past winners include Kathy Bates in that memorable hot tub scene in ABOUT SCHMIDT. The guy who played "Big Pussy" in THE SOPRANOS. And lest we forget, Adam West as BATMAN. Boy, they were some saggy ass actors.

Actually, SAG stands for Screen Actors Guild. And The SAG Awards stands for the most boring awards show ever. They did not disappoint this year. The winners? Once again...who cares? Still, there were some memorable moments. The cast of LOST won for best ensemble and had Terry O'Quinn (the creepy "Locke") give a speech making fun of his cast as "lazy, annoying, self serving, no talent hacks". Something like that, but it was funny. Sandra Oh winning as the token Asian of the year. Rachel Weisz looking hotter and hotter. Jamie Foxx messing up while reading the prompter. Twice. But, brilliantly covering by starting over and re-entering. Paul Giamatti thanking Craft Services and the donuts and his fellow weird actors. He actually got the obligatory bleep for saying "shit".

One of the oddest moments was when Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal got up to introduce the clip from their gay cowboy film. For some reason, Heath had his hand on his hip the whole time trying to be "gay" and funny. Some people actually thought it was. I think mostly because of how uncomfortable and awkward it looked.

The lifetime achievement award went to Shirley Temple Black. Dakota Fanning came out with a little Shirley doll and gave this huge speech and introduction to Shirley. It was kind of creepy when she walked out with the doll. I thought it might be some stunt by her agent to make her appear more child like. I am a vocal fan of Dakota and her amazing acting. However, I am not completely convinced that she is not a robot. Or an adult in child form. Or an alien. She is way too good at public speaking.  Hell, Halle Berry couldn't get through her Oscar speech without the Miss America hour long tears. They showed clips from Shirley's films and it was a cute trip down memory lane. For those of you who only know her as a cherry flavored, non-alcoholic drink, this was probably a surprise.

I didn't realize that SAG also did the Oscar "In Memoriam" tribute where they show clips of actors who passed away in the last year. Some notables: Gilligan, Scotty from STAR TREK, Agent 86-Maxwell Smart, The Riddler, Mr. Miyagi, Tony the Tiger and The Jolly Green Giant. Well, not the characters of Tony the Tiger and Jolly Green Giant. The voices. How weird would that be? Kellog's replacing Tony on cereal box covers due to his death. Although, could make a great story line and successful marketing. Hmmm....

The SAG Awards. No pomp and circumstance. No frills. No fun. At least they serve liquor at The Golden Globes. Maybe next year they'll have an open bar and strippers. Wait, that's just my every day life. Time to get back to it.

Smallville: Episode 100

SPOILERS, BITCHES!!!

Smallville aired it's 100th episode last night. And it fucking rocked! I have been a fan from the beginning. Yes, I'm a big comic book dork and love the whole Superman mythos. So, 5 years ago when they proposed this new series of "Superman before he was Superman", I was all for it! The continuity in the comics has changed so much. Originally, we didn't learn of Superman's teenage years as Clark Kent. He crashed here in a rocket and next we knew he grew up to be The Man of Steel. Yes, the Jesus similarities are there. Completely. Later, in the comics, they tackled his youth as Superboy. Even with a Superboy costume that looked exactly like his Superman costume would years later. Smallville wanted to do away with this. They wanted to deal with him as his powers developed and how he coped with them. No flying. And, new powers would slowly emerge. Sure, he knew he was strong and could run fast. Eventually, we learned about his heat vision. Cleverly shown as a metaphor to puberty and sexuality. (Clark's heat vision accidentally comes out when he's eyeing his hot teacher!) Over the years, Smallville was often described as "Clark's Creek". Critics made fun of it, saying it focused to much on the teenage relationships. Arguably, the Clark Kent/Lana Lang relationship has been one of the most frustrating ones in TV history! He never told her about his powers. 2 of his other friends knew, but not her. Then, we get to episode 100.

The big reveal in the episode was that someone close to him would die. My guess was that it would be Ma or Pa Kent. His parents. No way they could kill of Lana or Lex or Lois. Maybe Chloe. Episode starts off and Clark immediately reveals to Lana his secret. Taking her to the "Fortress of Solitude", crushing coal into a diamond and proposing to her! We soon learn she says "Yes!" Holy crap! They've finally got them together and happy! Something bad is gonna happen soon. The happiness lasted through about half the episode. Then, it happens. Car crash. Lana dead. WTF? LANA? Clark rushes to her too late. He stands there with bloody hands screaming as his father holds him back. Commercial break. Catch my breath. Those fuckers! They made me think they were happy and now they kill her off! Hold up, what's this? Clark is in his fortress conversing with his alien father, Jor-El. Jor-El mentions a certain crystal that can turn back time of sorts and relive the day. He warns that a balance must occur. If Lana is to survive, someone else must take her place in the afterlife. Clark takes that bet.

The day restarts and he doesn't tell Lana his secret. Doesn't propose. She thinks he's being secretive again and gets pissed and they break up. The day plays out very similarly to the previous time. Whoa....what's going on? Lois is passed out in a pool of water with an electronic device teetering on the edge about to electrocute her! Clark rushes in and saves her. Crisis averted. Okay, not Lois. Then who? Uh-oh...the car crash is about to happen again! Clark rushes in time to save that from happening. Okay, not Lana again. Who? Then, we see.

Pa Kent drives by in a car. He ends up in his barn with Lionel Luthor, Lex's dad. They have a disagreement and Jonathan (Pa Kent) suddenly seems out of it. Sort of staggering. Suddenly, he clutches his chest. HOLY SHIT! He had heart problems in previous episodes. He staggers outside just as Clark and his mother are driving up. He collapses before them and dies.

The funeral scene was quite moving and touching. Each character had a beautiful and tragic moment. The snow came down heavily adding more of a dramatic atmosphere. We see Lana taking Clark's hand and then letting go. Chloe and Lois walking off with Chloe taking another look. She was the only one (besides his mother) that Clark told about the "do over" day and knew he saved Lana's life only to lose his father. We see an ominous, yet sad Lex, in the far background. Soon, we're left with just Clark and Ma Kent. Ma walks off and it's just Clark. He picks up some of the dirt and pours it over. Tom Welling (Clark) was stoic and moving in this scene. The rest of the cast really hit it right on as well. Very touching and sad moment. The best moment in the series since Christopher Reeve made an appearance awhile back before his death.

Season 5 is quickly becoming the best season in years. They are out of school and adults now. No more Clark's Creek! It's in super speed mode now. Hang on, bitches!

French Things

I have always been a fan of all things French. French fries, french toast, french cut green beans, french roast, and french kissing. Mmmmmm.....french kissing. Love those frenchies! And, of course, always been a fan of the French maid. Those cute and sexy outfits. How do the French find the hottest girls on the planet who want to clean? It's amazing!

I have become quite addicted to podcasting and now videocasting. Several great shows out there! I was checking out the Top 25 podcasts in the iTunes music store. There was one called French Maid TV. Naturally, being such a French fan, I was intrigued. "Mon Dieu!", I exclaimed. Though, why I exclaimed in French, I'm not sure. Oh well, c'est la vie. I downloaded the show, all of 2:36 minutes of it. Sacre Bleu! 3 hot chicks in maid outfits! Ooh la la! Check it out in the iTunes music store or go to the French Maid TV site to see what I'm talking about. Or here's a quick little preview.

Oh, what do they talk about? Who cares? I had to watch it over and over again just to figure it out. I finally turned the sound up to see what was going on. They basically explain how to make a videocast using Apple products. Which leads me to believe this is an Apple attempt at viral marketing. I'm on to you Apple! And..and...and...keep up the good work! More half naked girls to sell your products! I'll buy anything from a naked girl. As my lifetime supply of Teletubbies coasters proves. And 50 cases of Baby Buddha statuettes. And 2 packs of glow in the dark condoms. And...well, you know...the list goes on.

Johnny Cash in the Underworld

As we all know, I've been way behind on the movie watching. I thought I'd try to have a catch up day and do a double feature! 2 very different movies. At 2 different theaters. Luckily, they were right across the street from each other and I didn't have to walk the line too far and end up in hell. What movies did I see? What? Didn't pick up my clever clues?! Well, if you didn't get it from the title of the post alone, then you way stoooopid. And we're no longer friends. STOP CALLING ME! Anyway...first up:

UNDERWORLD: EVOLUTION- Continuing the classic Greek tragedy of Orpheus leading his love, Eurydice, out of Hade's Underworld. When last we left the tragic couple, Orpheus, like an ass, turns and looks at his wife before they get out of the Underworld. Even though he was told not to and thus, loses her forever. Or so we thought! The sequel picks up with a pissed off Orpheus out for vengeance. He transformed his lute into a shotgun that shoots heavenly angelic rays and stormed the gates of Hell to reclaim his love! Only to find her making out with Persephone, the wife of Hades. Turned on and enraged at the same time, Orpheus kills them both and then defiles the corpses. The end.

Oh wait...that's the sequel that both Virgil and Ovid were working on together. I don't think it ever saw the light of day. Okay, the FILM version of UNDERWORLD: EVOLUTION starring Kate Beckinsale is what I'm talking about. Mmmmmm.....Kate Beckinsale. She purty. And she's a vampire. In rubber and leather. That shoots guns and bites people. That. Is. Hot. Oh...yeah, there was a movie too. It was quite good! I loved the first flick, aptly titled, UNDERWORLD. This one is just as good. The story continues with the age old conflict of vampire vs. lychen. That's werewolves, bitches! There's a power struggle with the first vampire and his twin brother, the first werewolf. I'm not spoiling anything here. It scrolls across the screen as the movie opens. Great fight scenes and effects. And did I mention Kate Beckinsale looks hot? Well, yeah. She did. She can bite me any day. I'll take that to bed with me. Go see it. It's fluffy fun and pure escapist violence and sexuality. Yummy! Next up:

WALK THE LINE- The Johnny Cash/June Carter biopic. Now, some would argue that it's The Man in Black's story,but June is such a huge part of his life and plays a very significant role in it. I've always been a Johnny Cash fan. He's got that darkness to him that comes out in his music that just appeals to me. Yeah, I'm dark. "I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die." That's dark. And disturbing. And I like it! Joaquin Phoenix completely transformed himself. Playing the tortured soul like an..uh...tortured soul. I would say he really captured Johnny Cash intimately, but I don't know Johnny all that well. But, he rocked it! As did Reese Witherspoon as June Carter. Sorry Kevin Smith! I'm a huge KS fan and he doesn't like her very much since she apparently said some disparaging remarks about him and/or his movies. Oh well, I still dig them both! Anyway, as June, she started off as the bubbly and comedic June of the early days and turned into the caring and heartbroken and torn and loving singing partner/wife. According to all reports, they sang the songs for real too. Gotta say, they sounded good. Not great, but good! And, they just both won The Golden Globe for best actor/actress. I'd have to agree with those durn foreigners on this one! (Hollywood Foreign Press..get it?)

Verdict? A resounding HELL'S YEAH! Go see it. Or burn in a ring of fire.

Rollergirls

I have discovered the greatest new show of the 2006 TV season. ROLLERGIRLS. That hoity toity channel, A&E, is airing this whirlwind tour of the TXRD Lonestar Rollergirls 2005 season on Mondays at 10 p.m. I guess since A&E is not really just "Arts & Entertainment" any more. Maybe it's "Asses & EZ Chix". Now, I'm not suggesting these fine rollergirls are easy. I meant easy on the eyes! We are heavy into the 2005 season! Bout after bout! The drama! The cat fights! The girls in short skirts and skates. I haven't really decided which is my favorite team. As they go back and forth from team to team and player to player all of the time with "story" and "drama" to fill the hour. A close contender is The Holy Rollers. They were the previous season's champions and have gone undefeated thus far. They call themselves troublemaking Catholic school girls gone bad. Ergo, the plaid skirts and stuff. Here's a few reasons why I dig them so much.

Miss Conduct. She's a bad ass with tatoos and multi colored hair! Grrrrrr! Don't eff with her! She'll mow you down on the track!

Jail Bait. That's her name! And, no I don't just like her cuz she looks like she's real jail bait. Although, I did ask her to prom. And I carry her books to school. And we do each other's hair. Don't be hatin'!

Punky Bruiser. My current favorite. Can you tell? I put up 2 pics cuz I couldn't decide which one I liked the best! She's sassy and purty and skates good and has a bat and is cool and I love her. The end.

Clever names, eh? Their team captain is Sister Mary Jane. Other league members are Venis Envy, Axel Rosie, Chola, Jenacide, Jackie O'Nasty, Ruby Sioux, Redd Foxxie, Scarlett O'Terror, etc. How can you not love these girls! Some serious thought was put into these names!

Tune in! Cheer them on as they push, scrape, crawl, bite, shove, trip, curse, and roll their way to glory! Hmmm....maybe that's why I like it so much. I thought it was for the intellectual stimulus I was getting from the drama and smart camera editing. I guess I was just getting stimulated in other ways.

Hey, I grew up Catholic. Those damn plaid skirts have been in my dreams for years. I wonder how many "Hail Mary's" I'll have to say to get forgiveness? I'm heading to the confessional now to get a jump start. At least til next Monday at 10.

Living in Infamy #2

Living in Infamy. Not just a saying. It's a comic book! Issue #2 was just released last week. I met the creators, Ben Raab and Deric Hughes, back in July when I was at the San Diego Comic Con. THE mecca of all comic book conventions. My friend, Joe, and I were doing interviews for his podcast COMIC NEWS INSIDER. (Which, we will hopefully be starting back up all fresh for the new year!) To hear the interview, click on the link and go to "Episode 14". It's also available through iTunes! We interviewed several big comic book names at the Con including Jim Lee, Darwyn Cooke and my buddy, John Cassaday. Yeah, I'm name dropping. Whatcha gonna do about it, bitches? Sift through other episodes to hear those interviews.

Back to Living in Infamy. The basic idea of the book is super villains put in the witness protection program and taken to a town called Infamy, Arizona to lead normal lives. And for the record, it was created before THE INCREDIBLES cartoon. First 2 issues are full of intrigue and excitement and a few homages to other comic book creations and/or creators. Ben and Deric are doing a great job with the plotting and writing. And the art by Greg Kirkpatrick is top notch! Pick it up!

A couple of months ago, Ben emailed me for the transcript to our interview with him and Deric. He wanted to put a part of it in the letters page of issue #2. Which he did! Sweeeeet!

See? I'm quoted! How cool is that! Right there in the back of a comic book! Perhaps one day I'll actually have my name on the front of a comic book for writing it. Til then, I'll take this! Thanks Ben and Deric! I feel honored to be a part of your book! 2 more issues left, kids. Keep your eyes open for the heart pounding conclusion! To check out more info about the book, go to Ludovico Technique. That's the company that publishes the comic book. They do lots of other cool stuff too, like working on DVD extras for little movies like the upcoming SUPERMAN RETURNS.

I'll keep ya posted on any future quoting of me that happens. Maybe they'll start taking my quotes for movies. "THAT FUCKIN ROCKED!", raves Jimmy Aquino of the Hell's Kitchen Gazette. "It made me feel funny in my pants.",says KBLO's Jimmy Aquino. Jimmy Aquino of Cat Fancy Magazine expresses, "It didn't suck. Like my ex-girlfriend. That bitch." Yeah, I can see it now!

Til then. You got this daily nugget of joy to get you through life. Once again, your welcome. If you don't like my stuff, too bad. You'll never find me! I'll be in Infamy.

Cajun Cookin', Drinking, a New Phone and Atlantic City with Sis

Sorry I missed a day, my faithful followers! I was out at my sisters for the weekend. As you may remember, she has dial up. And not only that, her internet was out. I think the hamsters she had running the power on her computer finally passed out. Time for some new ones! What to do? Well, much! We did much! Went to the mall. I made fun of my sister for looking at the jewelry and then realized that I am the same way with electronics. As I proved shortly after by purchasing my new cell phone.

Finally! After a couple of years of the same one, I decided to get something new. I had been eyeing the Treo Palm phones,but a friend had this Samsung A900 and I really dug it. So, I bought it! It's sleek,sexy and cool! I don't mean that in a gay way...not that there's anything wrong with that....uh....never mind. It shows video, has a 1.3 mega-pixel camera and camcorder, ring tones, news, calendar, date book, easy texting, internet, etc. OH YEAH! And I can make calls on it! Sweeeeeeet! After my purchase, I snuck over to the food court for some Chik-fil-A. I loves me some of them chicken nuggets! We were heading out to dinner after the mall, but I hads to have me some of them scrumptious nuggets! Don't hate! We then headed over to one of my sister and her fiance's favorite jersey shore restaurants, Ragin' Cajun. It's quickly becoming one of mine, as I have eaten there several times. Not a great pic I found,but it shows it's quaintness. Basically, it's a home turned into a restaurant. Live music. The band playing Friday had an old guy with a wash tub bass! Like Emmett Otter's Jug Band Christmas! (Look it up!) Great food. And BYOB! If ya don't know, Jersey has a finite number of liquor licenses to hand out. If you don't got one, you have to be put on a list to wait for the next place to close down to apply for that license. So, a lot of the restaurants are BYOB. Which is kind of cool! Although, not sure they appreciated the 3 kegs of beer we rolled in. I think the band did though. Post dinner, we headed home to finally have our Xmas together. Sis got me lots of gift certificates. And, yes, some for Chik-fil-A. She knows me so well! Bring on the nuggets!

Next day, we hit Atlantic City to meet up with her mum. My sister's fiance, Bob, and I dropped Marsha off with her mama so they could hang. He and I just went to the outlets and shopped and hit some bars and drank and kept kind of drinking. One shopping stop was Coach. Yes, the hand bag store. Bob wanted to buy my sis a new bag, which he did. I decided to see if they had any men's business card holders. Nope. Didn't see any. A sales girl directs me over to "one that could be unisex." Which I found funny. It was black and nice. "Not sure how you feel about the button.", she says. Translation: "The button might be a little gay for you." She was right. It was. I bought 10 of them. No,no...I decided to decline on the gay card holder.

We met up with Marsha and her moms later to find out that they had already eaten. Bob and I were starving. We hit a cool spot called Cuba Libre and had dinner at the bar. The ceviche we ordered came out in a platter that was smoking. A kind of dry ice type of smoke. Wait...is this gonna kill us if we eat it? Nope. It was yummy and non-lethal! My favorite type of food! By then, we had been drinking since 3pm. Needless to say, when we caught up with sis again later, we had a few in us. Sorry sis! We weren't stumbling,but were definitely feeling it. I don't know why she got so mad when he and I started making out and singing songs down the escalator. Ouch..my head still hurts. And...other parts. Uh...

Took the long bus ride back to NYC from AC. I still have bus butt. You know bus butt, right? Sitting on a bus so long and the booty gets all uncomfortable and out of wack. Yeah, bus butt. I coined it here. Very similar to train butt. A cousin to bike butt. However, it is NOTHING like jail butt. I had that back in '92. I don't recommend the showers if you ever go to jail.  I do miss T-Bone Johnson, though. He always made the jail butt better.

Wow. I reveal way too much when I've been drinking 12 hours straight.

Hope this made up for missing a day. Lotsa drunken butt humor. Your welcome.

Haters

I was heading out to my sisters last night when she called me and said it would be better if I came out today. So, I'm about to catch the train now. Instead of staying home and watching TV and getting up early, I decided to go out. Bad decision. The haters were in full effect last night. After a lovely dinner with a girl who tells me she has a boyfriend she lives with, I decided to meet up with my friend for drinks later.

First off, crazy lady. We run into a girl we had met before. She was feeling the sauce and was kind of playfully screwing with us. The playful turned into hate and I seemed to be the target. She was all kinds of digging on my friend, but for some reason (maybe because I was sitting between them) she decided to attack me with her vim and vigor. As a bartender, I notice when people cross that line of kidding to drunken seriousness. And never return. She crossed it and just kept hating. I finally just told her to shut it and leave us alone. She disappeared to the bathroom. Her friend says he thinks she's throwing up. We all agreed it was time to put her in a cab. Which he did. Note to drunk girl. Not a good idea to hate on someone's best friend that you are digging. They tend to be loyal and think you are crazy and want to have nothing to do with you. Just a thought.

Then we head off to another bar. This was actually more entertaining and the hater didn't show his face til later. This guy and I know each other, but we don't hang out and aren't really friends. He waves to me and I wave back. I clearly see him turn to someone else there and say my name. I ponder, "Is this fucker dissin on me?" Whatever. I let it go. Thoroughly entertained by the bartender that evening (thanks Heidi!), we decided to head out to the next bar. As I'm saying good-bye's, I walk over to this ass. "Good to see you dude, talk atcha lata, etc." What does this punk say? "Yeah, yeah..I'm not good enough to be your friend on Myspace, whatever dude,etc." He was trying to act like he was kidding, but he wasn't.  If you remember my Myspace rant awhile back, this is the same dude I mentioned before. What is he, 4? "Waaaaah!!! You didn't add me and make me your friend!" What a fucking idiot. Now, I'm a bad guy and asshole for not making him my online friend. Dick.

Off to the last bar and it was all good. Near the end, it wasn't a hater that approached me, just another drunk and boring person. I almost got in a fight at this bar over a year ago and this dude stepped in the middle and helped stop it. We always joke about it. Last night, he was drunk and once again...brought it up. Dude...let it go. It's old. This time was a bit awkward cuz he was drunk. I kept trying to get away and finally succeeded. He had this weird look in his eye like he was about to hate on me, but luckily I got out of there in time.

My friend and I decided we are surrounded by drunk children. What to do? I guess nothing. But remember, hate on me and I will most likely just ignore you and not care. However, you may catch me drunk one time and the hate might come back. And I didn't grow up in a pleasant society. I used to handle my issues with knocking your punk asses out. So, keep hating. Just don't press charges when I punch you in the what not or hoo ha.

Xmas with Sis

Going to see my sis this weekend! I haven't seen her in a couple of months. Thus, the Xmas thing. We are finally having our Xmas! Sweeeeeet! I wonder what she got me? She always gets me the best presents. Last year I got my favorite present ever. A hooker and booze. Not a boozy hooker. That just isn't cool. My sis knows me so well! In retrospect, I probably should have asked for some preventative STD medicine, but it all finally cleared up. This year I asked for a stripper and heroin. So, I am hoping that will be what greets me at the train station in a few hours! Gotta love sis! She knows how to get the best gifts for her big bro! Sure, a little awkward, but she just drops the gifts off and leaves us be for a few minutes...uh...hours...uh..days!

I'm not telling you what I got her. She might be reading! Just suffice to say that it's a lot of cool stuff. Here's the top present I want to get her, but she wont let me. DSL. Cable Modem. Yeah, she is still on dial-up. I always have to bring WAR & PEACE or the entire HARRY POTTER series to read as I await each page to load. Hey, she's old school. Gotta love that!

I know I said this last month, but I'm in the spirit again! Merry Christmas, bitches!