Jimmy's Juke Joint

M:I:3

Mission Impossible 3. or M:I:3, as the cool kids say. I saw it the other night. Yes, Crazy Cruise's movie. And, according to box office results, it has not done as expected. Most likely to his, well....craziness. And by crazy, I mean Scientology, trying to stay in the closet, couch jumping, "marriage", Katie's "pregnancy", etc. Yet....I'm not on the bandwagon of hate. I still think he can be an engaging screen presence. I can separate the crazy life from the character on screen. Just try it!

BEWARE! SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

The movie starts off with a bang. A high octane, pulse pounding rescue mission. With his team in tow, Cruise as "Ethan Hunt" has to rescue captured agent, Felicity. Okay, the actress who played Felicity in the show of the same name. What's her name again? Oh yeah. Keri Russell. Director J.J. Abrams was a co-creator of her hit TV series and obviously, still a fan. Never really knew much about her, besides that she was "Felicity", or saw her in anything before. She's only briefly in the beginning of the film. I gotta say...she kicked ass! I really liked her in her brevity. Seriously, I wanted to see more of her. But, the story line wouldn't have it. Great. More of the stereotypical Cruise looks and reactions.

Good thing he had a fine supporting cast. That's them over there. Jonathan Rhys Meyers, Ving Rhames and Maggie Q. Other notables in the cast are Michelle Monaghan, Laurence Fishburne, Billy Crudup, and Simon Pegg. Yes, he of Shaun of the Dead fame. He rocked! This time around, there seemed to be an assemblance of plot. Big bad guy actually had teeth too! Said big bad guy played by Phillip Seymour Hoffman. Who, completely rocked. E-V-I-L!

And, we know I'm not one who often gets the Yellow Fever. But, Maggie Q. certainly heated up the screen every time she was on. And heated up my britches too! Especially when she stepped out in that practically painted on dress in the scene at The Vatican. I had to say 23 Hail Mary's and 47 Our Fathers just to make up for the impure thoughts I was having during that scene. Me likey. Once again, me Asian. You not. So, I can make these comments and you can't!

Basic idea was Hunt gets pulled back into duty and assembles a team. He eventually gets framed and double crossed by the bad guy and someone within his own agency. Then, it's on! The traditional revenge part starts happening with the team backing him up. Some sort of doomsday device is at the center that the bad guy really wants. Rescues happen. Good guys win. Bad guys lose. Wheeeee!

Overall, it was a big pile of fun. Laughable at times. You had to suspend your disbelief often. But, as I said, there was a plot, some fine action and good and fun scenery chewing by many of the cast. No Oscars for this one,but that's to be expected. Give it a shot. You might dig it.

Of course, the real Mission Impossible 3 is to the left. Tom's 3rd marriage. Or 3rd beard. I don't have actual proof of his rumored gayness. But, I live in NYC and have worked with many a gay man who say they remember him from back in the day when he was gay and would play with no delay and sometimes for pay. But, who am I to judge?

Oh yeah, I'm Jimmy Aquino. And this is my blog.

Bitches.

CNI 35

Comic News Insider: Episode 35 will be available and ready by 9 a.m. Click on the link or get it through iTunes! This is a big one folks! You don't wanna miss it! How big is it? Once again....LISTEN! I'm only gonna give you a few highlights here, so enjoy this until then!

We start off with some big reviews! Marvel releases their big Civil War #1. It's the start of brother vs. brother in the Marvel U. Great Captain America scene. That's what I'm talkin' bout! We also review the conclusion of the DC series, Infinite Crisis #7. The good guys triumph. The bad guys get theirs. Or do they? Both good series. Check 'em. I also got an advanced copy of Batman: Year 100 #4 and we totally spoil it for everyone! Wheeeee! No, no. I just rub it in your face that my friend, Paul Pope, the writer/artist for the series, gave me a copy early! Nyah! Nyah!

Big news covered. More Wonder Woman movie news straight from the writer/director himself, Joss Whedon, Star Wars original unaltered trilogy coming to DVD for a limited time, Jon Favreau to helm the Iron Man movie and rumors of Ben Affleck in the new Star Trek movie. Okay, have you recovered from that last one? Moving on...

Some shout outs that, like Unemployed Skeletor says, weren't exactly shouted.

If you read my previous post, and I know you did, then you know about the interview I had planned with Amanda Boggs aka Artemis. She is currently a finalist up for the last spot in the Sci Fi Channel show, Who Wants To Be A Superhero? Jimmy Aquino backs her. Comic News Insider backs her. So should you! Go vote for her! She gives a great interview. Fun, vivacious, smart, sexy and intimidating all at the same time. Just like Hall & Oates said, "Watch out, boys. She'll chew you up."

As always, we end up with the Top 3. Nope. Not giving that up. I may be easy, but I'm not that easy! Okay, maybe I am that easy. I don't hear you complaining.

Leave comments at our site. Leave comments at the iTunes page. Leave comments here. Leave comments on our new hotline. 212 501 6246! And, no...don't just say, "No comment." I already thought of that!

Enjoy! Thanks for listening!

Who Wants To Be A Superhero?

Who Wants To Be A Superhero? No, I'm not asking you, I'm telling you! It's a new show that is going to be aired on the Sci Fi Channel starting July 26th. According to the site, It "will be a six-episode, one hour weekly competition reality series that will challenge a lucky few to create their very own Superhero. The winner will walk away with their Superhero immortalized in a new comic book created by Stan Lee himself and the character will appear in an original Sci Fi Channel movie."

10 contestants have been chosen. The 11th and final is being decided in a vote at SciFi.com.  Click on the link! 3 semi-finalists are up for it. Here's what I want you to do! Vote for Amanda Boggs aka Artemis. Yeah, that's her over there. See? She can already fly! She was in the hit Off Broadway show, De La Guarda, a few years back with my good friend, Adam. He and I had performed in 4 shows in a row together back during '99-'00. And, I saw De La Guarda many times when it was here, so Amanda is my pick!

Here's Amanda kicking ass! More superhero stuff! As Artemis, Goddess of the Hunt, her powers include speaking with animals, animal abilities, and can turn into a black panther. Whoa! You best behave yourself on a date with this one, fellas! Unless you're into that. Did I just admit to bestiality? I mean....uh....

She's coming to get you! Other powers Artemis has are of seduction and a hypnotic gaze. Go ahead. I dare you. Look away. See? You can't! She has you under her control. Go and vote for her! Time is limited for the contest and voting ends at 11:59 p.m. on this Friday, May 12th. If When she gets in the show, COMIC NEWS INSIDER (my podcast..duh!) will follow her progress each week. We are officially backing her! And, I'm quite sure you'll hear about it here as well!

Speaking of the podcast, we are interviewing Amanda tonight and it will be part of tomorrow's show! If I haven't convinced you by now, then give the show a listen tomorrow to hear her yourself! Of course, we are going to make her promise to give Comic News Insider a shout out at every press conference. And by "make her" I mean politely beg and plead. Did you see these pics? She could kick my ass!

Why are you still reading this? Go. Vote. Now. Like Artemis's catch phrase says, "Let the hunt begin!"

Bitches.

2 Hours of Nothing

Hey! Anyone gonna catch the David Blaine special tonight called Drowned Alive? It's 2 full hours of watching David in his human fishbowl! Sweeeet! And then we get to see if he can hold his breath for 8 or 9 minutes. Wow! Yes, it's impressive. Entertaining? Not really.

I mentioned this in my previous Signs of the Apocalypse post. It's a bigger sign if this gets big ratings. It probably will. Not from my DVR it wont! Those honors will be going to the Prison Break finale, The King of Queens and How I Met Your Mother.

Maybe at least he'll do some of his famous levitation and card tricks early on in the special. Or, like Tina Fey said in Weekend Update on Saturday Night Live, "David Blaine will hold his breath for 9 minutes and emerge from a water filled tank. Hopefully, to do a magic trick."

I do give him so props. He's following in the steps of the Great P.T. Barnum. Who is famous for saying, "There is a sucker born every minute."

Enjoy, suckers!

A Limerick For You

That's a highlight of County Limerick. Now here's a limerick for you:

There once was a lad named Jimmy,

Who came from a town near Kissimmee.

Oft late for work,

Like a lazy old jerk,

He'd still yell for tips, "GIMME GIMME!"

My First Gentleman's Club

Kevin Smith recently talked about his strip club experiences in his blog. Now, we all know I've had many over the years. But, how did I get started? How did I become the depraved pole dance loving, stripper dating, exotic dancer tutor that I am today? It's a sordid tale that begins right here in New York City. Mind you, I had never been to a real strip club my whole life until I moved here. I went to 1 or 2 in Jacksonville, but they sucked. Girls had the tasty pasties on. The only thing I remember about it was that some porn star/naked model was there that night.

Nikki Knockers. That's pretty much all I saw, so that's all you get! Needless to say, her pasties covered a bit more. It wasn't really all that stimulating or even entertaining. Years later, up here in New York City, I'm about to find out just how different it can be.

It was probably 1994 or early '95. I was working at a restaurant and a few of the guys kept talking about hitting a strip club. Quite a few of us had just moved up here from various places. One night, my friend Alan and I decide to just go. Instead of hitting the normal local bar, we set forth on our quest for boobage. Now, being new in the city and not knowing the scene, we had no idea where to go. So, we took the first suggestion from someone.

Runway 69. Yep. That was the name. It was ALL nude. Guess that's a bonus. Or so we thought. This fine establishment was located in the heart of Times Square. Around 48th/7th. Keep in mind, this was pre-Giuliani clean up. Still plenty of seediness and hookers and pimps and drug dealers and porn shops and peep shows and all around badness in the area. I believe it must have been a weekday, say Tuesday, that we went. Alan and I walk in after paying the cover. Around $10-$15. They immediately seat us at the runway stage. We look around. There are about 15-20 guys in the place. It was a tiny joint and seemed very dungy. When you think of the word "smut", you think of this place. There was a small pole leading to the ceiling. The ceiling was probably only 10-15 feet high. Many seedy looking characters around. Alan and I were the youngest ones in there. And the coolest looking ones by far. Me with my long hair and Asian-ness. And Alan looked like that soccer player, Alexi Lalas, from the USA national team in the mid '90's.

Remember him? We would pass Alan off as him all of the time. It was cool. Free drinks. Anyway, there we were. 2 young, hip looking guys in their early to mid 20's. Immediately, a few girls cross over to us.

Not the most attractive in the bunch. They asked if we wanted dances and we declined. We ordered drinks and sat and watched the dancer on stage. We weren't sure what to do and kept talking to each other. I guess to not make it seem like we were pervs and staring. HOLY SHIT! SHE'S TOTALLY BUTT ASS NAKED! I suppose that was our inner monologue. Then, one of the cute girls came over and sat on Alan's lap. A Russian girl whose name escapes me. Let's call her Nadia. Like she gave us her real name anyway! I guess it was a slow night and we were the most normal looking guys. She just hung out and talked. Working your way through college? Really? We soaked it all up. Bought her a drink and I think Alan got a dance from her. Then, a new girl hit the stage.

Ariel. I remember her moniker well. She was one of those flashy pole dancers. And, she was kinda hot. She jumped to the top of the pole and swung all the way around in a split. Alan and I and even Nadia stopped to watch. She crawled over to me and kept playing with my hair. I gave her some dollar bills, assuming that was the correct protocol for a hair tussle. She kept looking at me the whole time and we really locked eyes. Nadia was just chilling with us and talking. She didn't want any money. She was just bored. Either that, or she marked us for suckers and thought we would just give her money for talking. To my knowledge, we didn't. At one point, Ariel crawls over to Nadia and whispers in her ear. "She likes you.", Nadia tells me. "Yeah, right.", I reply. "No, no. Really!", Nadia insists. Assuming it's some scam, I just dismiss it.

Then, Nadia gets called on stage and has to leave us. Alan and I go back to talking and then Ariel comes over and sits on my lap. "Hi. I'm Jimmy. This is Alan. Nadia was saying nice things about you." She replies, "Hi. My name is Ariel." Seems normal, no? Well her voice....how can I describe it..... hmmmm. Like a 12 year old girl with thick braces and head gear who was chewing on some really chunky chocolate chip cookies. It was a little disconcerting. But, I went with it. The waitress immediately came over and asked if I wanted to buy her a drink. I said sure. She brings over, what I think was a fancy glass full of Sprite, and says,"That'll be $20." Wow. They got me. Oh well. That's all I'm gonna spend though. To her credit, Ariel just sat on my lap and we talked awhile. Often grabbing my hair, pulling it around her to hide her face and kissing me all over my facial area. Cooing in my ear that she really liked me. I was a bit confused. Does this chick really dig me? How do I know? Maybe I'm her Richard Gere here to save her Pretty Womanesque ass!

At this point, we look up and see Nadia leaning up against the pole. Completely naked. She had been talking to us as she was up there. Seriously, the other guys in the place were c-r-e-e-p-y. By the time we looked up, she was faux fondling herself in the hoo ha and turns to us and says, "This sucks. I'm masturbating and nobody cares." Truer words were never spoken. She actually said it as a joke and we all had a big laugh. Hey! Strippers can be funny!

Then, Ariel changes her game plan. She decides to straddle me. I ask her,"Uh...are you supposed to be doing that?" As she's straddling, she leans in and starts kissing me on the ear and whispering, "I don't care. The managers are assholes here! I like you and it's what I want to do." "Fair enough.", I submissively reply. After a minute of her sort of writhing as she straddled, sure enough, one of the asshole managers starts screaming at her. "GET THE FUCK OFF OF HIM! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? GET THE FUCK OFF OF HIM RIGHT NOW, YOU DUMB BITCH!" He literally went on for a full minute or so. Screaming in front of everyone. I told her it would probably be wise to get off. She reluctantly does so. She says, "I'll be right back." She storms off to the back for what I assume is a shouting match with the asshole manager.

Alan and I have no idea what had just happened. I'm kind of pissed that she was treated that way, but still wasn't sure what was going on. Maybe this is a routine they pull? She seemed so sincere. I was an actor and my bullshit detector was usually pretty good. Alan and I decide to wait a few minutes and then figure it's best we leave before we get kicked out. As we are about to leave, Ariel comes out dressed in normal clothes. We talk for a minute. "Hey, are you okay?", I inquire. "That fucking asshole. I hate him. I almost got fired tonight and I almost quit.",she says. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get you in trouble.", I say. "It's not your fault. He's an asshole. I wanted to talk to you, so I did. Anyway, I'm leaving for the night. I'll see you later.", she replies. "Wait. Do you want to come with us? Maybe go get a drink or go to the diner?", I sincerely plead. "Nah. I can't be seen leaving with you guys. I'll probably get in trouble for talking to you now. Just come back and see me again.", she speedily replies and walks out.

Alan and I look at each other dumbfounded. We exit and head to our respective homes. I hadn't given her any more money, so I didn't feel like I had been bamboozled.  It was just.....odd.

My first experience! Full of drama, dry humping, stories of Russia, masturbating, drinking, screaming and a genetically bad female voice. Awesome!

Yeah. We went back the next night.

No, our first and last time at Runway 69. A few years later, it would be shut down. I hear it's moved out to Queens now. Maybe I should pay a visit to see if Ariel is still there. 11-12 years older. Still working the pole. Fret not, dear Ariel. One day, your prince will come. Until then, keep straddling....keep swinging. I may be stuffing 20's in young girl's g-strings at places like Hustler, Penthouse and Scores nowadays, but I'll always remember you. The reason for my stripper addiction. My precursor to the Vampire Porn. My first lap dance.  *sniff*

(Damn it! I told myself I wouldn't cry!)

The Bernard Pivot Questionnaire

The famed Bernard Pivot questionnaire. Bernard created these 10 questions when he hosted a French series called, "Bouillon de Culture." Which I guess is better than calling it "Bouillon Cube de Culture." Did you ever eat one of those bouillon cubes as a kid, thinking it was candy? I did. Liquidy, meaty goodness. Ugh!

The questionnaire is now famous due to this jackass. James Lipton, the host of Inside the Actors Studio, ends each interview with celebrities by asking them the following 10 questions. Which I will now ask myself and answer myself. Hey, I do other things to myself so...

1. What is your favorite word? Falanghina.
2. What is your least favorite word? Restraining order.
3. What turns you on creatively, spiritually, or emotionally? Uh...porn?
4. What turns you off? A switch on the back of my neck.
5. What is your favorite curse word? Curses!
6. What sound or noise do you love? The sound of my own voice.
7. What sound or noise do you hate? When I have laryngitis.
8. What profession, other than your own, would you like to attempt? Dolly grip.
9. What profession would you not like to participate in? Secretary of Interior. I suck at interior design.
10. If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? Well, what I'd like God to say is, "Huh. How'd you get in?"  What God would probably say is, "Security. Please escort this one downstairs." Of course, I'd say, "Why are the gates pearly? What's wrong with oak?"

Well, there you have it. Now it's your turn. Answer away, bitches!

I Got Myself A Gunn

Recognize this guy? Well, if you were an avid watcher of Angel, the Buffy the Vampire Slayer spin off, then you'd know him as a cast regular. It's J. August Richards. He played the character of "Charles Gunn" on Angel. He just went by "Gunn". A cool street thug who led a gang of humans that hunted down vampires and demons through the back alleys and streets of Los Angeles.

There he is in a cast photo from the 5th and final season of Angel. He went from the street thug to the know it all lawyer after he was implanted with all lawyer type knowledge. I suppose this prepared him greatly for the new show he is on called Conviction. A lawyer type drama. It's being shot right here in New York City!

Which brings us to why I'm even talking about him. The other night, I was having drinks with my date, yes...I have dates, at a local restaurant/bar. Very nice place with a cool bar/lounge area. We sat at the table and after a bit, I looked up and saw him. At first, I forgot his name. So, I texted the first person whom I thought would know. My good buddy, Mike. I text:

Who played Gunn on Angel?

Mike replies:

Charles Dutton.

I almost wet myself. Don't remember him? He's another bald actor of African-American heritage. Been around a bit longer than J. though. I desperately texted back for the real answer and Mike replies correctly with "J. August Richards." I immediately remembered. I continued to chill with my date. I didn't want to interrupt him and his company. I figured I'd just wait until he was leaving to attack....uh...greet him. As he arose, so did I. I came at him non-threateningly,but I guess he fell into old habits. He went all "Gunn" on me and flipped me over a table. What an ass. He must have sensed my Vampiric nature. Or seen my Vampire Porn.

NO, no! I stood up to shake his hand and said, "Just wanted to say I dug you on Angel." He graciously replied, "Thanks! I'm J. What's your name?" I tell him and introduce my date who says she digs his new show Conviction. He thanks us again and tells us to enjoy our night. Pretty cool, I thought. Sure, he's no Samuel L. Jackson, but people know him and he's recognizable to many.

Maybe my date threw him off. His former cast mate and on screen love interest, Amy Acker.  All good. She is with me now and they were only pretend boyfriend/girlfriend. So, eat it, J!

What? Don't think I could get with a girl like Amy? Then you'd be correct in your assumption that I'm kidding.

Or am I? Like one of the songs in the Buffy Musical says, "I'll Never Tell".

CNI: Episode 34

Comic News Insider: Episode 34 is now available through iTunes or by clicking on the link! Get to it! I'll wait...

Still waiting...

And we're back!

We review Astonishing X-Men #14 with the oh so deceptive cover by John Cassaday! You fooled me, ya bastich! Also, New Avengers Annual and Villains United. Lots of big news was covered as well. We debunked the live action Sailor Moon movie rumor, as well as clarify the Star Trek movie rumor. Other movies in the works, Iron Man and Captain America. Fret not, Tom Cruise is no longer attached to the Iron Man flick. Phew. Some TV news as well with the announcement of the Battle Star Galactica prequel, Caprica.

The monthly Wizard recap of their summer preview issue. They break down the big events from the 2 big companies including Marvel's Civil War and DC's 52. Exclusive pics from the sets of Superman Returns and X-Men 3: The Last Stand. An awesome 6 page preview of the Grant Morrison/Andy Kubert run on Batman. Joe Quesada, Marvel EIC, talks about how to save Spider-Man and that "Peter became Billy Joel." And, my bud, John Cassaday is #1 on the Hot 10 Artists list. Congrats!

Of course, I discuss my first pony ride and we get a call on the hotline from Unemployed Skeletor! More listener feedback emails focusing on a mysterious Mr. or Ms. Anonymous! We finish off with The Top 3.

Come to the site and leave comments. Leave comments on the iTunes site. And/or call the new hotline!

212 501 6246

Thanks for listening!

Signs of the Apocalypse

According to the Book of Revelations in the Bible, there are 7 Seals that prophesize the end of the world. It has oft been said that those events are currently happening. Recently, some craptacular events have been happening that I believe are true signs of the Apocalypse.

1. Brooke Shields and Katie Holmes give birth on the same day in the same hospital. Good vs. Evil. Perhaps the Second coming on Brooke's part, but most definitely a re-enactment of Rosemary's Baby on the Cruise side of things.

2. Anna Nicole Smith had the Supreme Court on her side. They ruled that her former lawsuit to collect millions from her deceased 150 year old husband should be revisited. The Texas court had closed the case. Don't you know not to mess with Texas!

3. David Blaine's new "trick". Like Chris Rock says, "Are we so desperate for entertainment that we need a trickless magician?!" He's gonna hold his breath. For a long time. (Insert tepid applause.) I liked him when he first came out with his street magic, card tricks and levitation. Now, he's so far up his own ass he feels like he doesn't need to do anything but breathe. Well, in this case, not breathe. At Lincoln Center of all places! No opera, no ballet, no philharmonic. A big douche not breathing.

4. The LA Clippers have won a playoff game for the first time in 30 years. The oft ridiculed NBA team have finally had a decent run. It's not natural. Some things just aren't meant to be.

5. Rosie O'Donnell replacing Meredith Viera on The View. This could be the big one. Maybe the evilness of both her and that stuck up her own ass Star "I lost weight on a diet and my husband isn't gay" Jones will cancel each other out. More likely, they will openly spar and one or the other will leave. Actually, I wouldn't mind seeing Rosie feed Star her own ass. At least she finally stopped pretending she was straight. All of that "I'm in love with Tom Cruise" stuff. Not really a ringing endorsement for Tom's straightness either.

If the world ends soon, at least now you know why. But, not to end on a downer. Some good things.

Jessica Alba is hosting the MTV Movie Awards. Airing on June 8th. I'll be watching with the sound off.

Cindy Margolis to appear in Playboy. FINALLY! The most downloaded woman of the internet is gonna shed her bikini and show the goods that we've all been wanting to see for 10 years now. Thank you for finally coming to your senses, Cindy. You have a gift that you are sharing with the world. Just like Pavarotti with his voice, Beethoven with his music, Hemingway with his writing, and Lindsay Lohan with her acting. All truly special people who brought their amazing talents to this world. You're in good company. Keep up the good work!

If there are any other signs out there I missed, then let me know. For now, lock yourself up in the basement and don't come out until it's all over. Fare thee well, bitches!