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May 22, 2006



Awesome story, but I didn't quite buy the denouement. The whole thing with the mother suddenly deciding to backpedal and tell the truth - I don't know, it's way too deus ex machina for my tastes. You need to search for clues and evidence in a lost city under the subway tunnels or something. And some sort "grand gesture" akin to Lloyd Dobler standing on the roof of his car holding a boombox over his head. That's the sort of thing the kids these days are into. Kids these days, with their "Say Anything" and their MTV video games....


You need to get her into the city so we can all meet her face to face. Great story.

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