As a bartender in New York City, I hear some funny and strange and horrific things at the bar. I have those bartender ears. I can literally hear things all over the bar whether I'm close to the person or not. This is a handy little skill that helps keep me at the advantage. Or just makes me laugh. Or cringe. Or laugh while cringing. Some examples:
"Women are stupid." - female bartender after female customer orders from her
"Look at all the seamen!" - woman at bar looking outside during Fleet Week
"What's your new Jewish boyfriend's name? L'Chaim or something?"- man asking woman friend
"What are penises?"- female customer inquiring about menu item spelled 'panisses'
"I know I get my jobs because of my rack." - well endowed girl explaining her job hunting luck
"What's a lamb skank?" - girl misreading lamb shank
"I got this drink that was blue. But it wasn't girly!" - guy trying to prove his manhood when explaining his girly drink
"Good thing I'm hung like a mule." - guy desperately trying to prove his manhood when it's probably clear he's hung like an ant
"I hate fags." - gay co-worker expressing his distaste for a flamboyant queen
"I love tossed salads." - guy claiming his love for...I'm guessing...foliage?
These are just a few of what I hear on a nightly basis. Any more gems? You betcha. Maybe I'll drop more on you in the future. I'll leave you with this. No matter what you say or how you act, just tip your bartenders!
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