Jimmy's Juke Joint

The Sopranos: Lost Episode

Here I am on the set of HBO's The Sopranos. Now that the show is over, I can talk about the lost episode.

I played "Jimmy Soprano", Tony's half Asian cousin who ran the dry cleaning racket in Iowa. My character wasn't all that bright but was known for his whacking abilities and was feared throughout Des Moines. My tough guy reputation was discovered to be a ruse when I paid a visit to New Jersey. Tony walked in on Jimmy in the bathroom at the Bada Bing! club and saw his whacking abilities. Tony says, "This is what they mean when they call you 'Jimmy the Whacker'?"

Embarrassed and confused, Tony orders his cousin out of New Jersey and back to Iowa. The episode closes out with a close up of a picture of a dead Jimmy in the local Des Moines paper with the headline:

LOCAL WHACK JOB WHACKED WHILE WHACKING

Yeah, I could have had my Emmy with that episode. David Chase killed the episode and burned all copies. And then he sent me a copy of Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'".

Bastard.

Dance the Vagina!

A few of us were out the other night drinking. Friends were bartending and told us a story of how someone was drunk and was trying to tell their friend to "Sing your face off!", but ended up just screaming, "SING THE FACE!" I immediately replied,"That's like saying...DANCE THE VAGINA!" Which became a running joke all night. Even to the point where it got shortened to "D THE V!" We kept yelling it out and the female bartender would just start shaking her V for Vendetta about.

While that was going on, the waitress had drawn eyes (with a patch over one) on her hand and started "talking" with her hand. Ala that Southpark episode where Cartman's hand becomes Jennifer Lopez. She had also drawn a parrot on a bar napking and attached it to the hand. She called her talking hand, "Pinot Gigio." I suppose it was Topo's drunken pirate sister.

And then, we saw a guy that looked like famed comic book artist David Mack. Yet not. I named him "Beaver Mack". And we came up with a whole back story that he was David's retarded cousin and would just say, "I draw pretty! Poopie!". Soon, "Beaver Mack" became "Beaver Mac": a type of Hamburger Helper. The company character logo would be a beaver swimming in a bowl of macaroni and saying, "Eat me!"

Somehow, I'm going to make a film called "Beaver Mack". A poignant story about a retarded beaver who likes to draw and his true love, a drawn upon hand drunken pirate named "Pinot Gigio". The comedy relief would be Beaver's best friend. A fat, midget lesbian bartender who randomly yells "DANCE THE VAGINA!"

Starring Tom Cruise in his comeback role as "Beaver", a CGI midget version of Britney Spears as the bartender, Tina Yothers' hand as "Pinot" and Brigitte Nielsen as "The Vagina". David Lynch will direct.   

CNI 103: The BBQ

Comic News Insider: Episode 103: The BBQ is now available for free download. Click on the link or get it through iTunes!

Sponsored by Dynamic Forces.

Reviews
Batman/Lobo: Deadly Serious #1, Halo Uprising #1, The Surreal Adventures of Edgar Allan Poo #1, Mouse Guard: Winter 1152.

It's another recording in front of a live audience! We have an impromptu BBQ at the studio and Fred Chao (Johnny Hiro) joins us to discuss all things Asian and Michael Jackson.

News includes Opus, GI Joe film, The Spirit, Magnitude, Kevin Smith on BSG, Dan Dare, Disney Adventures, Melissa Auf Der Mar, and much more!

We address and reply to a nasty email about us on Crank Cast and I perform a little rap diss. Word.

Great feedback, Top 3 and contact info:

www.comicnewsinsider.com

[email protected]

212 501 6246

www.myspace.com/comicnewsinsider

Thanks for listening!

Finally...Furniture

I've been practically sans furniture since I moved in to my new digs on July 1st. Well, not entirely true. It's mostly the lack of living room stuff. Chairs, couch, table, etc. However, that will be partially remedied today. My new brother-in-law, Bobby, is arriving later this afternoon with some stuff. Let's hope it fits through the door.

If not, against my better wishes, I may have to make a trip out to Ikea. If anything, they've got some great Swedish meatballs. That should be their catch phrase: "Come for the bookcase, stay for the meatballs."

Or that could be my catch phrase. I'd have to slightly alter it though: "Come for the head case, stay for the balls."

Boobnotized

Phone rings.

Me: Hello?

Girl: Hey. Who is this?

Me: You called me. (Seeing caller ID). Is this Petunia? (Name changed to save the innocent and busty).

Petunia: Yes. My phone broke, so I'm just going through calling numbers to find out who is who.

Me: It's Jimmy.

Petunia: Oh. Hey. Well, thanks. Gotta go. Bye.

Me: Uh...okay, whatever. Bye.

That happened the other night. Total rudeness. I see her the next day and am still a bit ticked by it. She's not all that bright, so I try to look past it. As per usual, she's wearing this short dress and her bosom is heaving. Nice house and all, but nobody home. Seriously nice house. With large...

BOOBIES!!!

Wait....what was I upset about again?

Good Golly, Miss Molly & Holly Olly

How the hell did I miss this? The Olly Girls. Holly and Molly. Or Molly and Holly. Honestly? Who cares? (For the record, that's Holly on the left, Molly on the right).

They are the reason people are tuning into the new "reality" show on E! called Sunset Tan. It's supposedly about this chain of tanning salons run by these 2 guys and their employees and the drama that ensues.

But, really...it's about the Olly Girls. Why are they called the Olly Girls? Legend has it that people couldn't figure out which was which since they were always together and have similar names. Holly. Molly. Olly! Genius!

They're roomies, best friends and do everything together. Or so we're led to believe. It's quite clear that they were never originally employees of this salon. They were most likely cast to lure viewers. And, damn! Is it working. Both, especially Holly, have ties to modeling/acting/etc. Both have been involved with Playboy and are often some of the painted ladies at parties. They play the typical ditzy blonde's of L.A. And play it well. But, I secretly think Holly is a genius.

I've only caught a couple of episodes and usually just fast forward to their scenes. Hey, they're funny and hot. What else do you want in "reality" TV?

Seriously, do yourself a favor. Check out their scenes and enjoy. Then...

Turn the lights off, put on some bumpin' hip hop, make yourself comfortable, cover yourself in oil (too much?) and watch it again with the sound off.

You might catch a tan line or 2.

Godzilla vs. Shin Chan

vs. 

This must be what's making all of the noise that keeps waking me up.

Sigh...

You Know You Live in the Hood When...

• A crackhead walks into the local soul food diner selling a stolen Rolex and the cook buys it for $5.
• The hooker on the corner greets you with, "Hey, Papi. I got mucho badonka donk for you!"
• There's a guy by the subway station selling nothing but Menthols.
• You fall asleep to the sounds of gunshots.

Stay tuned for more...Tales from the hood!

CNI 102

Comic News Insider: Episode 102 is available for free download! Click on the link or get it through iTunes!

Sponsored by Dynamic Forces.

Reviews of Booster Gold #1, Killing Girl #1, The 4th Horseman #1 and the Doctor Strange animated DVD. News includes Batman and Captain America arrested, Persepolis, The Incredible Hulk, Kristen Bell, Heroes, Justice League movie, Christina Z., and much more! Paul Pope, Jamie Tanner and Chris Butcher join us to discuss the recent Toronto Comic Arts Festival as well as other projects. Pope gives us an EXCLUSIVE bit on a new project in the works!

Much feedback, Top 3 and contact info:

[email protected]

212 501 6246

www.myspace.com/comicnewsinsider

www.cniforum.com

www.comicnewsinsider.com

Thanks for listening!

Veronica Mars: Hero

I found this out moments after the news hit. And have been having a nerdgasm ever since. The beautiful and talented Kristen Bell, formerly of Veronica Mars fame (one of the best shows on TV in the past few years), was rumored to be up for a recurring role on Lost. That had my geek pressure rising.

Then, they announced the big news. She turned down the Lost role and instead took a role in Heroes! GEEK PRESSURE OVERLOAD!!!

She'll make her first appearance in October. Playing the role of "Elle", a sexy, mysterious young lady with ties to the supposed death of Peter, H.R.G.'s past and the future of Claire. Her arc will kick off with her committing a serious crime. Though, of course, with Heroes, that is ambiguous at best.

She is a busy girl, so don't expect her character to stay around for more than the scheduled arc. From what I learned, they squeezed her in to fit her schedule. Not theirs. Besides being courted by Lost and Heroes, she had other studios wooing her for various TV and movie projects. Not to mention completed projects waiting to be released like the nerdarama film, Fanboys, and a Judd Apatow comedy.

After all of the teasing of whether or not Veronica Mars was coming back. All of the rewrites and revamps. All of the bullshit. I thought I was going to be sans Bell for awhile. Thank you NBC for snagging her. My peacock thanks your peacock.

For now, I leave you with...

Darth Kristen.