Advantage Candle

You'd think that by now people would understand how a candle works. NO ONE seems to understand the intricacies of the wick-ed wonders. People, people, people! If a candle is in a holder (as pictured), then leave it be. That's the best light you will get out of it. Picking it up and moving it around will arouse the flame for a hot second. Which excites you so you keep doing it and then guess what happens? That's right, genius. You put the flame out from moving it around so much. So...STOP IT!

Which reminds me of a story. I was working at a restaurant years ago when Andre Agassi and Brooke Shields were first dating. They came in frequently. Brooke was always quite pleasant, but I never really spoke to Andre much. One night, after being seated, Andre gets my attention and asks for matches. I notice the votive candle on their table is not lit for some reason. I tell him I don't have any matches but can run downstairs and get some. He says, "Never mind." And then grabs a lit candle from the table behind him. I thought, "Well, that's smart. He's just gonna swap the candles so he and Brooke can have romantic candlelight. I'll just light the other one later." I go about my business and turn around a minute later and see Andre trying to light the unlit candle with the lit one. Naturally, the wax starts dripping out of the lit one and he's completely unsuccessful (yet determined) in lighting the candle. I don't know why I spoke up, but I did. I look at him and say, "Andre, why don't you just keep the lit one?" Andre angrily looks at me and places the lit candle down. Brooke giggles and says, "I guess we could have thought of that." Andre glares at me again and I run downstairs realizing I just embarrassed and pissed off the #1 tennis player in the world (at the time). I didn't want to face that killer backhand!

Moral of the story. Leave the candles alone! Well, unless you're Andre Agassi.

Comments

[mike.]

And coincidentally, right around the time he started sucking (and I lost my shirt at Wimbledon). Damn you Aquino!! :p