On Tuesday night, my cousin Laura and I set off to Beaver Island in Michigan. It was a 4+ hr drive up from St. Joseph, MI where she lives. We stayed in a hotel in Charlevoix since the 2 hour ferry to Beaver Island only runs once in the early morning.
Beaver Island is where our grandmother grew up. It was an old Mormon colony until they got run out of town by the Irish (my grandmother's people) in the late 1850's. Most of you know me as being of Filipino heritage. I'm also Irish on my mom's side. Granny's ashes were spread on the island and I had brought my mom's ashes to spread them there as well. For those that missed, my mother passed away on April 17. She wanted to be cremated and we thought the perfect place to take her to would be Beaver Island. I'm not religious but hope she and granny could look over the island together.
Laura and I walked around a bit. Most of the places to visit are on the main street right by where the ferry drops you off. We even stopped into a print shop museum where we looked up info about our family on our grandmother's side. It's a simple place. And everyone there waved to us as we walked and said "hello". A couple of pubs here. A bakery/deli. Town center. Post office. Grocery store. An old toy store that had been there 50 years w/ the same owner with whom we chatted. We found out later that about 60 people live there full time year round and maybe 2 or 3 times that have homes there.
We got to an area where an old lighthouse was located. We thought this might be the best spot. Right on Lake Michigan. It was a pretty emotional moment for us as we opened up the box and pulled the bag out. I walked to the edge of the water and talked to my mom. As I slowly started letting the ashes out, I started crying and talking to her some more. "I love you, mom and wish I could have been better and that we had a stronger relationship. Now you can be with your mom and you can enjoy this island and make it your own". I realize it was just the way the water flowed but it seemed to take her awhile to move along. We stayed and said good-bye and watched as she drifted off.
Some of you know that we had a difficult relationship and may wonder why it's been so emotional for me. Guilt, regret, shame, etc. All there. But mostly it's because I genuinely loved my mom. I remember so many great times in my youth. I'm glad she is out of pain and can be with my grandmother as they were very close. I will forever think of Beaver Island as Maggie (granny) and Kathy (mom) Island. I'm so glad we went there as it's part of our family history and know mom would have loved the idea of finally resting there. It did feel a bit cathartic for us as well.
Good-bye, mom. I love you and hope you can forgive me for not being as good of a son as I should have been. I will always think of you and maybe we can come back to visit one day. Until then, an traditional Irish blessing for you:
"May the road rise to meet you,
may the wind be ever at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
and the rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
may God hold you in the palm of his hand."